Nine Feet Underground

I've been doing chair yoga via an online app for 30 days. I plan to restart full-on yoga, without a chair, as soon as I feel I've regained flexibility from my previous years of yoga.  As with so many apps of the ilk, the narrator is from the United States of America.  He is serious about his instructions, but some of the oft-repeated phrases make me chuckle. I especially enjoy "...and don't forget to breathe".  So far,  so good. Another is "...hold this pose with strength and grace."  Neither of whom are present.  The last week has been busy. Q's father and stepmother are in Europe for a month or so and were in Liverpool for several days.  It was great to meet them and have a chance to get to know each other.   During the days whilst Q was at work, we visited lots of Beatles-related sites and also the Anglican cathedral, which has incredible architecture.  We visited the Beatles museum where I discovered that Paul McCartney and Pete Best were deporte

It's taken a while to get this post going.  Sometimes it just doesn't want to flow and, whilst I think I have things to say, I can't quite find a coherent way to say it. I have also been fairly busy socially, so I write less.  Life meanders on and I try to create ripples in the stream. Son #1, his gf and I went to see the film ' Lee ' about the American model turned war correspondent Lee Miller.  Kate Winslet is in the lead role and it is excellent as Lee.  One of the really enjoyable features of the film is the way that the action recreates (fairly naturally) some of the most iconic photographs she took during the war.  I've been aware of Lee Miller for a long time, though more because of her time as Man Ray's model and muse. This film redresses that balance.  She is also fascinating to me because she was part of the seismic cultural changes that emanated from Paris in the 1920s, especially the surrealist movement.  If there's any time and place in hist

Yoga.  Chair yoga. About three years ago I was practicing yoga twice a week.  It was perfect for me, both physically and mentally.  Life has been hectic and it became tough to fit it in. Now I'm not working, I have no such excuse.  When I transitioned from working to not, it took a long time to switch from the working mindset to one where most of the time was mine.  At least six months. Six months versus more than forty years.   I'm out of practice and have not exercised as much as I should. My weight proves that. I'm getting back into it slowly.  I'm starting with a daily programme of chair yoga exercises.  Touch wood, it's going well.  I've planned it so I don't get a cup of coffee until I've done the day's exercises. Seems to be an incentive for me.  My fitness and flexibility are still good enough to return to full-body yoga, soon.  I'll begin online with the class I used to attend, and there's a chance there may be a class I can attend i

In her later years, Mum used to say, "Don't get old", to which I'd invariably reply, "It's better than the alternative". She used to say it with conviction so I believe it's how she felt. Given her last decade was increasingly obscured by the fog of dementia, a period during which she became increasingly frightened by her inability to make sense of her surroundings, I'm unsurprised. I often wonder if this is how E feels. Locked in. Unable to communicate her feelings and wishes. The world must seem frightening and incomprehensible. Painful. Getting old is a privilege denied to many, but how much pleasure you take from each new day is determined by your quality of life and ability to affect that quality. For most people, you must get older to fully appreciate life and the benefits of being older.   Now I'm here, I want to live a lot longer. To that end, I've recognised how much I've neglected certain things over the past fifteen years,

A while ago, probably longer than I thought, I wanted to create a separate music blog. I started it, or at least the outline for it, but that's as far as I got. My love of and, interest in, music has not waned.  I don't have as much 'spare' time as I used to, even though I was working back then.  There is so much more to do now. Variety is the spice of life. This blog has always had a musical dimension, and it started out purely as a blog about music.  Although music has always, or at least since early childhood been a core part of my life, for a long period of E's illness it's also been a form of escape.  Not purely escape, in the sense that many song lyrics helped me to navigate, understand and work out how to respond to what was going on in our lives. Pure music writing is something I still feel the need to do, but as my life expands and grows I have to decide what are the most important things, as we all do, at some point. Prompted by the Oasis reunion - you

September arrives before I find the time to write more in August, but last week was busy and fun, hence no time to write. E seems to be enduring a difficult phase, with many short but frequent mini-seizures. It's been going on for over a week now, and, in conjunction with the Sue Ryder nurse, it's been agreed that we increase the dose of the anti-seizure medication she takes.  The GP has agreed to it so it's just a matter of getting official word to the carers so they can enact the change, legally. It must be a living nightmare for E, being locked in, confused and experiencing pain and discomfort that we can often only guess at. I'm powerless to do anything to ease her suffering, other than by informing nurses or the doctor so they can act if they agree it's justified. Whilst I'm away the sense of relief and easing of tension that I feel is noticeable. It may seem cowardly to be away from E so often, but the stage E is at now is even more stressful than it was b

I'm spending this week in Liverpool with Q, as she has a week's leave before getting back into the craziness of the new University term. The week being subject to the usual caveats. There are signs that things may be happening to E at home, and if the indications continue, I will have to press the Sue Ryder nurses for action. It goes without saying that if things change I will return home. Against this backdrop, we are planning several things, including Christmas.  It is hard to think about Christmas now, but we'll probably spend it in a rented property, to accommodate family. Cats.  Herding.  And a cat, maybe. Yesterday was a day of drama down south, luckily today things seem to have settled down. One achievement has been the completion of the playlist for the school reunion in September. It clocks in at 19 hours and should include something for everyone, though I have excised several personal favourites ('under orders') and concentrated on the singles charts from

Our actions and  decisions can look very different through another person's lens. There are a few 'undeniable' truths, though. We only have a finite, but unknown, length of time here. It is better to regret something you have done than something you didn't do, but wished you had. The past cannot be changed.  You can change how you view it and learn from it. You can choose how you respond to adversity, though that is far easier to say than to do. Don't be judgmental without knowing the whole story.  That's enough truths, though I'm sure I could go on.  (I usually do) After ten years of putting other people first, I realised I needed to 'put my oxygen mask on first'. That's not to say I haven't continued to care for others, especially E. My priority is to ensure she is loved, safe, well looked after and comfortable. My life has expanded greatly in the last two or three years, thanks to meeting Q and becoming part of a bigger family.  As I'v

August starts with son #3's birthday.  We celebrated with a meal at a local Thai restaurant, even though a salad had attempted to poison me the night before.  Hard as nails, me! Q joined us for the weekend and then the three of us headed back to Liverpool for a week to give son #3 a break from caring responsibilities, especially while son #2 was in Costa Rica and son #1 was away with his gf. We had a great week, including a tiring day walking at Malham and meals with my big sister and her husband in Saltaire and my brother-in-law and his wife in the 'pool. Family is key. Since returning dahn sarf, I've started, with the help of the dudes a big clearout of crap we no longer use/need.  I have begun the process of sorting through E's stuff, which is long overdue.  E has a huge collection of shoes, boots and clothes and it's hard to know where to begin.  I guess the biggest challenge is accepting that she'll never need any of these things again.  Especially when she