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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Wednesday 1st January 2025

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The old year stretches out behind me and the new one beckons me. I haven't made any resolutions as I believe that you should try to improve every day and learn from things you got wrong.  Doesn't always work that way, but trying is half the battle. What I want most this year is for E's suffering to end as soon as possible. We don't even know the full extent of it, only the part of the iceberg that's out of the water. Over the past few weeks, her decline has continued apace, such that we are now keeping one eye open for signs of sepsis.  Fingers crossed it happens sooner than later. This weekend I should be off to Amsterdam with Q and her daughter (who is returning to her home there) to celebrate Q's birthday, hot on the heels of Christmas. I had a neck, head and shoulder massage at the Sue Ryder hospice yesterday which set me up nicely for New Year's Eve.  I have three more sessions to go and I can try reflexology (which I might try) and reiki which sounds l...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Wednesday 18th December 2024

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This post is going to be dominated by music.  I have yet to post it on Substack or my music-only blog, for reasons that may become apparent.  I've been to the last concert I'll be attending this year, though I have at least two to look forward to next year - one with Q and one without. My three standout gigs were, The High Llamas, Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds and Michael Head and the Red Elastic Band. Nick Mason's Saucerful of Secrets were excellent too, but I mark them down a little because Nick's the only original member of the band the songs were first recorded by.  This is probably a bit snooty of me, given the gig was so good and they have almost made those songs their own.    I just can't help thinking of Syd, who they were also honouring. I'm going to see The High Llamas in 2025, so I'll save my thoughts until I've see them again. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. What an amazing performance.  One of the top five gigs I've ever attended and Nick is ...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Monday 25th November 2024

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As things progress for E, the level of stress we are all experiencing has increased. Stress tends to creep up on you unnoticed until it overwhelms you.   Often, it takes someone else to spot the signs of increasing stress. It's getting to the level where I need to take action for my own sanity. My sons are also stuck and struggling to move on with their lives, which is not something E would ever have wanted.  There are some changes which we've been resisting but which I now must consider. It's not ideal, but when E came out of the hospital some two years ago the prognosis was not good and it seemed that, for such a short time, it would be best for E to spend her remaining days at home.  Two years later the downside of that decision is painfully clear.  After the next palliative care visit, at which I'll discuss all the above, I will begin to set the wheels in motion to change things. It will probably take a while, and given how E has been lately, it may nev...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Thursday 14th November 2024

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For about a week, maybe more, I've had a cold.  It's one of those colds that refuses to go quickly. I have shared it widely, unintentionally, though of course, I may not be the source of all the colds, there are so many about. I'm not here to write about my cold, though. It's a lead-in to something more pernicious. Accompanying the cold, especially as it slowly fades, I've had a bad headache. Initially, I thought it was cold-related, but I've come to believe it's a physical manifestation of stress - a topic that opens a crate of cans of worms. The stress I'm experiencing is probably the result of several things I'm anxious about. I had considered listing the things I thought were at the root of it, and then deciding whether they belong in the category of things I can control or cannot control. Instead, I've decided to dig deeper and write about it in the hope that writing it down helps control it and maybe it helps more widely.  I've always b...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Wednesday 6th November 2024

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Not a great morning to wake up to. Unbelievable, yet true. Moving the subject several thousand miles East, all the news that's fit to print. I have a stinking cold (not COVID, I've checked) and am thus feeling rather factual, telegram-style, so this post may be short. E continues her slow decline, but at least we seem to have got her pain management under control, mostly, at least.  As one of her carers said, "...at times she's too strong for her own good." Hard as this is to see in black and white, her suffering needs to come to an end. There is no purpose or gain from its continuation. For anyone. Q and I spent an enjoyable week in Amsterdam, my first real visit to the city and country. It was great to spend time with family and friends.  We did a lot of walking, saw a lot of sights to remember and ate some wonderful food with delightful company. I would love to go again, there's so much we didn't see.  Just before heading to Amsterdam, I saw High Llamas...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Thursday 17th October 2024

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The longer things stay the same, the more it seems that's the way they'll stay. No longer? Ever since returning from hospital some three years ago, and her brush with death whilst there, E's illness has followed a familiar and consistent pattern. Brief intense periods of illness (infections, seizures, that sort of thing) followed by longer periods of slow, continuous decline. Latterly she's been experiencing other symptoms, most especially bouts of pain of unknown origin.  When she's been in pain, it's often been associated with mild seizures which pass in a minute or two, with help. E is in an end-of-life care period during which comfort is the priority, which can throw up unexpected challenges. Her pain medication has been increased, but she still experiences pain at times. It's a bit of a challenge. On the one hand, we don't want her to be in pain, on the other it's hard to know how long the pain will last and we don't want to rush in and give...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Friday 11th October 2024

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We've had a busy week in Liverpool, starting with a gig in Manchester and then in Liverpool.  Let's start in Manchester.  We went to the new Co-Op Live Arena to see Crowded House.  They are at one extreme of the spectrum of music I usually enjoy, but I was going there with an open mind.  Q is a fan, and the next night we are going to a gig by someone I like, who Q has never heard of.  Back to Co-Op Live. I've got to say I wasn't impressed with the place. It's billed as having 32 restaurants, using local produce. How many does it have? None. Not a single one.  The place is still not finished. As it has no restaurants, it also has no loos unless you go inside. Which you can't do until they open up for the gig.  Manchester City to the rescue.  There are some portakabin-style loos a five to ten-minute walk from the venue. Not exactly what you imagine a fancy new-built venue to be like.  Food.  Manchester City to the rescue again.  There...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Sunday 6th October 2024

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I've been doing chair yoga via an online app for 30 days. I plan to restart full-on yoga, without a chair, as soon as I feel I've regained flexibility from my previous years of yoga.  As with so many apps of the ilk, the narrator is from the United States of America.  He is serious about his instructions, but some of the oft-repeated phrases make me chuckle. I especially enjoy "...and don't forget to breathe".  So far,  so good. Another is "...hold this pose with strength and grace."  Neither of whom are present.  The last week has been busy. Q's father and stepmother are in Europe for a month or so and were in Liverpool for several days.  It was great to meet them and have a chance to get to know each other.   During the days whilst Q was at work, we visited lots of Beatles-related sites and also the Anglican cathedral, which has incredible architecture.  We visited the Beatles museum where I discovered that Paul McCartney and Pete Best...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Tuesday 24th September 2024

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It's taken a while to get this post going.  Sometimes it just doesn't want to flow and, whilst I think I have things to say, I can't quite find a coherent way to say it. I have also been fairly busy socially, so I write less.  Life meanders on and I try to create ripples in the stream. Son #1, his gf and I went to see the film ' Lee ' about the American model turned war correspondent Lee Miller.  Kate Winslet is in the lead role and it is excellent as Lee.  One of the really enjoyable features of the film is the way that the action recreates (fairly naturally) some of the most iconic photographs she took during the war.  I've been aware of Lee Miller for a long time, though more because of her time as Man Ray's model and muse. This film redresses that balance.  She is also fascinating to me because she was part of the seismic cultural changes that emanated from Paris in the 1920s, especially the surrealist movement.  If there's any time and place in hi...
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Love, Poetry and Revolution - Thursday 12th September 2024

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Yoga.  Chair yoga. About three years ago I was practicing yoga twice a week.  It was perfect for me, both physically and mentally.  Life has been hectic and it became tough to fit it in. Now I'm not working, I have no such excuse.  When I transitioned from working to not, it took a long time to switch from the working mindset to one where most of the time was mine.  At least six months. Six months versus more than forty years.   I'm out of practice and have not exercised as much as I should. My weight proves that. I'm getting back into it slowly.  I'm starting with a daily programme of chair yoga exercises.  Touch wood, it's going well.  I've planned it so I don't get a cup of coffee until I've done the day's exercises. Seems to be an incentive for me.  My fitness and flexibility are still good enough to return to full-body yoga, soon.  I'll begin online with the class I used to attend, and there's a chance there may be a class...
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