Nine Feet Underground

Another delayed post.  There is too much going on whilst I am at home to manage to stick to plans. E has definitely stabilised to the extent that I have decided, in agreement with my sons, that I am just going to go ahead and follow my plans. She is still on medication, but I don't think she's in any hurry to go anywhere, even though her quality of life is the lowest it's ever been. For the past couple of weeks, maybe more, she has slept 99% of the time.  Set against this, now that I have the time to do what I want with my time, I really need to start doing it. Last week's brief stay with Q reminded me how much better I feel when I am not 'stuck' here. I always do everything in my power to make sure my time away runs smoothly for E and for my sons.  There's one more thing I need to organise, just in case, but then I must put myself first.  This is my new approach to things. Since I last wrote here I went to the preview screening of this documentary: ' Th

I had planned to write this post yesterday, but it was a bit of a day for E and thus for me. It started first thing after E had suffered a bad night which resulted in her struggling to breathe easily.  This caused her to panic and it took an extra dose of sedative to gradually bring things under control.  First thing this morning her breathing was normal again and she was calmer. Today we have taken the first steps to reduce her daily intake of sedative but not the pain relief.  If she continues to be asleep all or the majority of the time, even with the reduction of the sedative, then this will suggest that her sleepiness is part of a process of decline. I had a lot of time to think yesterday, either whilst nurses were here (two separate visits) or whilst waiting for medication, during which time I found myself considering the nature of hell.  I came to the realisation that if it existed (which I don't think it does) it would be very different to the eternal fire than is so often

A game of two halves. Amongst all the omnipresent uncertainty, I have managed a couple of local excursions. On Thursday, sons 1 and 3, son #1's gf and I, went to see Stewart Lee live.  He was on good form again and there was much laughter.  Live comedy is so good.  I think it's good to see Stewart Lee at least every year or two. Big fan. Friends are making a brief visit to the UK from Berlin and, unexpectedly on Friday, I got a message asking if I would like to meet for a coffee.  A no-brainer. I certainly did. We had a good catch-up over coffee, though the current situation here took up a lot of the time.  They wanted to visit Waitrose to buy some things they can't easily get locally and I had to pick up some stuff for dinner.  We said our goodbyes in Waitrose and I left them, like a couple of kids in a sweetshop, discovering. Disassociation Wet wipes Calm Body wash Ampules Verification My Register Certificate Sleep Restless Stuck Travel Respite Soul Plans Ambiguity Dilemm