Thee Oh Sees latest album 'A Weird Exits' is pretty cool and there is no finer way to kick-start a working day than with 'Plastic Plant' a psych workout with a humming bassline...
Why me? A question we've all probably asked at some point in our lives. The answer, though not the one we'd like, is why not me? Life is random. We should take every day as a gift, but when life is flowing smoothly (whenever that's going to be!), it's hard not to squander your time. I'll leave that until tomorrow. We can go there another day. Let's do that next year instead. We've all said and/or done it. It's hard not to. Trouble is, there might come a day when things deferred are in jeopardy. Those future days might not be guaranteed, one way or another. I'm still making sense of what this means. I just know it to be true. The song I've chosen is 'Black Cat' by Gentle Giant. This tune has been stuck in my head for a few weeks now, and was chosen in honour of two black cats who are no longer with us. The metre of the song reminds me of a cat slinkily walking, in no hurry to get anywhere.
The longer things stay the same, the more it seems that's the way they'll stay. No longer? Ever since returning from hospital some three years ago, and her brush with death whilst there, E's illness has followed a familiar and consistent pattern. Brief intense periods of illness (infections, seizures, that sort of thing) followed by longer periods of slow, continuous decline. Latterly she's been experiencing other symptoms, most especially bouts of pain of unknown origin. When she's been in pain, it's often been associated with mild seizures which pass in a minute or two, with help. E is in an end-of-life care period during which comfort is the priority, which can throw up unexpected challenges. Her pain medication has been increased, but she still experiences pain at times. It's a bit of a challenge. On the one hand, we don't want her to be in pain, on the other it's hard to know how long the pain will last and we don't want to rush in and give...
I'm not a big fan of nostalgia. Never have been. I don't believe in the idea that things were much better in the past. A bad case of rose-tinted spectacles and all that. I prefer to look forward. Despite the current state of the world, I believe there is better to come, both individually and globally. Clearly, this is a preamble for a volte face - almost but not quite. I have gradually started to accept that good things in the here and now can come from roots in the past. My rejection of the past has been a bit extreme, and I've come to realise (I am a slow learner) that the past makes me who I am now. All of which is an excuse for a trip down memory lane. Many years ago I worked in the IT department of a supermarket chain, a chain that is no more as it got gobbled up by bigger fish. The team I worked in included two other men with the same Christian name as me. Up until then I don't think I'd met anyone with the same name. To distinguish each other we had ...
[Tuesday 27th November to Friday 30th November 2018] After Monday's positive/negative (HTFSIK?), I descended into hell. Work has been in tents. Sorry, no that should be intense. Culminating in a marathon writing session on Friday that went well beyond a normal length working day (whatever one of those is). Worse than that, I know I will have to make some changes to the document on Monday, which, in theory is a day's annual leave. The demands of work have kept other thoughts at bay, though I mustn't forget that that was how the descent began earlier this year. Short term. Temporary. Needs must and all that. In amongst all that I went and saw Dylan Moran at the Hexagon. The dark humour and misanthropic world view treading a fine line between comedy and my life. As-Is. As opposed to To-Be. {{{{{Architect Joke. Not}}}} [Title is quote from Canto 5 of 'Hell' in 'The Divine Comedy' by Dante (trans. Peter Dale)]
It's Friday, and another working week draws to a close. I should be feeling a surge of energy as the weekend comes into view, however this is not how I'm feeling today. As so often happens, several negative influences conspire to combine at the same time to cause a more overwhelming wave of gloom. None of these influences are in my control, so there is nothing do to change them, only change how I respond to them. Like many things, easier said than done, but I am trying to change how these things are making me feel. Work is the number one priority today: I've been dragged into help with an IT incident which is exercising the mind this morning. This will keep me occupied. Almost three hours later we have identified the cause of the problem and also a solution. Over to those who do the hands-on stuff to fix it. Back to the day job now. Great hot lunch provided by sons 2 & 3, which means I can carry on working. Deep joy. It's just gone 5pm and it's really no...
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