Nine Feet Underground

It's Monday again and the weekend is gone.  For a variety of reasons, much of the time I feel I am just treading water, time is passing and my life is either stuck in the slow lane or, more likely in stasis, going nowhere. Fast. I am attempting to change things but progress is slow to non-existent and I am both restless and impatient. Not a great combination, though thanks to meditation and yoga I am more chilled than I used to be.  Allegedly that's a good thing. I didn't sleep too well last night, very restless owing, in part at least, to one of those strange dreams where you're looking for something which you need to find urgently, but where just as you think you've found what you're searching for, it changes into something else, and the search must continue. As futile as Sisyphus' efforts in the myth named after him. After such dreams I always awake with a sense of unease. Organised and set up for yoga just before 10 a.m. and Zoomed in.  Another great ...

After a lazy day yesterday, I have got to get a bunch of chores done today.  Before that, though, breakfast and organising Wednesday's shopping delivery. Breakfast over and computer-based chores done, it's time to get things underway, starting with the washing.  This started a long list of things to get done, beginning in the kitchen. At around 4:30 p.m. I got to the point where I'd had enough and started putting stuff away (vacuum cleaner, cleaning products, brain cell). Opened a bottle of wine and sat down to read today's paper.  I realised another reason why chores take so long: I'm constantly being interrupted by the carers coming to the house: it's often less than 2 hours between calls at weekends.  Don't get me wrong, we couldn't do without the carers, they make day-to-day life possible and do a fantastic job, but 5 times between 7 a.m. and 6 p.m. they come to the house. Often this means I don't have a clear 2 hours to work on any job withou...

My first Saturday of total lockdown. No shopping trip today, which I was pretty glad of this morning, given the torrential rain that started the day. That also put paid to another tedious Saturday chore: I've not bothered to do washing given how wet it's been. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, though whatever happens I'll be washing. What have I done with all this extra time? For starters I watched an excellent National Theatre production of Shakespeare's 'A Midsummer Nights' Dream', which was two and a half hours long.  Some great acting, notably from the guy playing Puck/Robin Goodfellow, who played the character as a kind of punk, mischievous spirit. It has been interesting reading Emma Smith (author of the insightful book, 'This is Shakespeare: How to Read the World's Greatest Playwright') on the play.  In particular she says of Puck, 'In fact, Elizabethan ideas of Puck were far from this cheery, domesticated fairy trickster. Shakespea...

The working week draws slowly to a close, going to be a busy day work-wise but I'm ready for it. Friday always seems to be the day for calls at work: spent 4 hours of the day on calls! Interrupted by a phone call from the district nurse giving me a heads up that he'll be here in 10 minutes to change my wife's catheter. I told him I'll be wearing a mask and hiding in my office (not literally) and he confirms he knows where everything is, so he'll not need my help, which is cool.  We did speak a little, though keeping beyond 2 metres apart and both of us wearing a mask. Work is like water. It seeps out and occupies every space and gap in the day, meaning I don't have time to read any of 'Ulysses' nor any time to listen to music properly by the time son #2 is starting to cook dinner. I have so much new music to listen to, I'm gonna need a couple of weeks off to catch up. I have some heavy shit to lay on the brothers' heads tonight, let's h...

After a very hot night, another hot day in prospect and I'll be stuck in doors in front of the laptop for the whole day. Ho hum. I've received another letter from the hospital, this time asking me to go and have a Covid swab taken next week, just in time for my operation.  My wife also received a letter co-signed by Matt Hand2cock, telling her she can stop shielding from 1st August, whilst saying she remains on the shielding register and has to practice full social distancing from then, unless they change the guidance. A four page letter which seems just to be a carefully worded way of saying that you can stop shielding but if you catch Covid afterwards, it's your fault not ours.  Work has obviously taken up much of the day, punctuated by the odd phone call and visitor.  A friend kindly popped by to pick up and post son #3's latest set of documents for Student Finance.  Hopefully these are the last. Work ended just before 6pm, in time for tonight's 'Idler...

Working Wednesday, yes, you read that right, which is boosted by the early morning yoga session.  The usual 30 minutes of breathing exercises to scare the carer, followed today, not by sun salutes (we've done a lot of those recently and the sun is really making its presence felt now) but by stretching exercises: the sorts of thing that medieval torture devices used to do, only for fun and self-inflicted. I jest (sticking with the medieval theme) - but at times the use of straps does seem to lend an air of something like that to it. I haven't been out today, obviously, seeing as how I'm in total lockdown for the next two weeks. This means it has been a case of yoga, shower, breakfast, then sit at work laptop and work out what my priority for today is. As the weather is perfect for drying, I've changed my bed today, washed it all and hung it out to dry. Result! Only thing is I'll have to make my bed in the evening. I hate that. Let's face it I hate all chores:...

Back to work Tuesday is especially tough after a week off.  Today's start was easier than normal because I had a 9:15 pre-op assessment at hospital to start the day. Because of the Coronavirus situation everything has changed: now you have to park in the staff car park as you are not allowed to access the main hospital. On arrival you had to phone and say you were there and wait in your car until called in. Got there in plenty of time only to find there was no parking, eventually having to resort to a reserved spot outside the Pre-Op Assessment hut. Called and was booked in and told to wait in car.  After 30 minutes sat in the car, which was luckily in the shade, I was called in along with someone sat in the car next to me, donned my mask, picked up my urine sample and went.  Blood taken, ECG done and urine initially tested (positive for infection) before sending it off to the labs for a full analysis. Job done. Returned home to have a call with Student Finance. People...

A normal week after a week's leave, so I attempted to get out of bed at a sensible time (sensible being debatable), namely 6:30am. Actually, that's not sensible, but it is when I got up.  Tomorrow I'll have to do the same as it's back to work, though starting work will be delayed because tomorrow morning will be dominated by a trip to hospital for my pre-op assessment, part 2. Today is my first day of complete self-isolation. No going out for any reason, not even exercise. If anyone comes to the house I have to stay away and wear a mask. Wearing a mask in my own home, damn it! This has to last from now until 6th July when the operation is due to take place.  At the moment that seems a long way off and it feels like it will be a struggle getting there. At least I can carry on with yoga. Did my usual 75 minutes on a Monday, which went pretty well, despite yesterday's exertions. Calls to make to my GP and two departments at the hospital not to mention lots of fun...

Out of bed well before 8am on a Sunday - unheard of!  Downstairs before the first carer arrived and setting up the living room for yoga. It's the carer's birthday today, so I surprised her with a card (not literally - I didn't jump out of a cupboard screaming 'CAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDD!', obviously (mind you that's a thought for next year, it's a big birthday for her then)) and wished her a 'Happy Birthday'.  I hope she finds the card funny - I had a devil of a job finding a card that I thought was funny whilst at the same time not overstepping the mark on obscenity or rudeness. Many cards made me laugh but you could only send them to someone you were very, very close to. We'll leave that thought dangling. Yoga this morning was an additional session to celebrate the Summer Solstice.  We did 108 sun salutes (Surya Namaskar), a fairly energetic sequence of poses. The number 108 is significant, however I'll let you find out why for yourself, ...

Despite having a lousy night's sleep, due to the combination of taking the anti-depressant late and taking two antibiotics instead of one, which led to a lot of discomfort in my stomach, and in turn delayed me getting to sleep, I still managed to get out of bed at 6am. Once I was up and dressed a sequence of chores began starting with shopping.  Shopping was brightened today by the return of the bread girls to the market, sadly I won't be able to visit for the next two weeks, at least, but it was good to have a chat and to buy their lovely bread and almond croissants.  Returned home and got on with more chores before finally settling down to some breakfast.  Read the papers whilst finishing my coffee then got back on with the chores. Wall to wall excitement every day here.  I'm not really sure where the day went, though there were brief periods in which I read more of 'The Binding', 'Ulysses' and Private Eye, though not enough to account for the entire...

For the second day in a row, I awake to the sound of rain on my window.  Today is different, though, for two reasons.  It's my birthday for starters.  In addition it took me ages to get to sleep last night because of the infection, which was so uncomfortable that it took two paracetamol and two ibuprofen before I eventually surrendered to sleep. The first person to wish me 'Happy Birthday' in person was the first carer of the day. After she left I got showered and dressed before calling the GP surgery. Phone was answered almost immediately, which was a nice surprise, and I arranged a call from my GP for later in in the morning, all before 8:30am! Breakfast of porridge and fruit devoured, morning carers arrive as I'm drinking my coffee and surprise me with an unexpected birthday card (so much better than an unexpected item in the bagging area).  Whilst they are still here my GP calls and tells me she's already sent a prescription for antibiotics off to B...

Awoke to the sound of rain on my window, so got up in a leisurely fashion, just in time to be downstairs when the first carer of the day arrived. Amongst the various indulgences of this week off, I've been slowly making progress through this month's book club book, 'The Binding'.  It is an odd book. It started off as one thing, which I liked for its gothic and occult leanings, then it changed and seemed to be heading in a Dickensian direction, before another change (all occult aspects gone) into a bucolic, rural romance, with a twist (though one rather strongly telegraphed), and I still have around 170 pages to go.  I must admit I've found the rural romance less interesting than the occult beginnings.  There is still a mystery to unravel, but it seems the answer may be rather prosaic, when it's revealed.  It needs to change soon, or it will lose my interest and finishing it will be a struggle. Especially as it is competing with 'Ulysses' for my attentio...

What a start to the day! One hour of yoga, starting at 7am - 30 minutes of breathing exercises with movement to warm up in preparation for 30 minutes of Surya Namaskar. Talk about a workout! We're going to do the same thing on Sunday, the Summer Solstice, at 7:30am. In theory we should do 108 rounds rather than 60...we'll see! After yoga, I needed to keep moving, so I went fro a brisk walk and posted a Father's Day card to my Father-in-Law.   The morning was spent in calls the the hospital admin team regarding my upcoming surgery - questions about medication and the rules for self-isolating which are pretty strict (we all have to self-isolate for two weeks or I have to shut myself away from everyone for two week!) and calls to the dietitian about an upcoming 'experiment' to change my wife's PEG feed from overnight to during the day, to see if it helps with some of the side-effects. Today's post brought the latest issues of Private Eye and WIRE along wi...

Bloomsday.  One of my favourite days of the year. A celebration of James Joyce's novel 'Ulysses', one its leading characters (Leopold Bloom), Dublin and most importantly a celebration of life itself (“If Ulysses isn't fit to read, then life isn't fit to live.” (James Joyce))  Each of the chapters of 'Ulysses' takes place at at specific time on the 16th June, and so in celebration, as much as is possible (life always gets in the way), I read sections from each chapter at the allotted times. Further complicated by the fact that some chapters take place at the same time, but centred on different characters.  In amongst the Joycean wanderings I've also squeezed in a long call with a Nurse at the hospital as part of my pre-op assessment, plus completed 30-odd minutes of brisk walking.  This afternoon I'm going to have a call with a friend in Berlin before returning to some of the online celebrations of Bloomsday being broadcast from Dublin. Ended up sp...

I awoke in the midst of a crazy dream, not exactly a nightmare but faintly disorienting.  I was in Germany, staying at a hotel there. I don't remember what preceded this but it was time to return home, friends were going to take me to the airport but I had to pick up bags and checkout quickly as we had to leave in 5 minutes. When I went to return to my room, I had great difficulty getting there as all the lifts and escalators had been changed, both in terms of direction but also in terms of the floors they reached. By some circuitous and perilous route I got to my room, or rather where my room had been, only now it was a dining room. People eating, drinking, laughing. I was trying to find someone who could explain what had happened and, more to the point, where my stuff was. That's when I woke up. Strange. The rest of the morning passed without incident: breakfast, music summary written, yoga, then clearing up what remained from breakfast and last night's dinner. Had to...

A few boring chores to do, but mostly I intend to chill today. Read the papers.  Listen to some music. Read 'The Binding'. Message some friends and family. Knock up a compilation CD. That sort of thing. Sons #1 and #2 are walking to Henley today, with friends. I have mixed feelings about it, but they'll be outdoors and socially distancing.  They know how much of a risk Coronavirus is to their mum, so I trust them.  I must admit I'm envious. I'd like to go on a walk with friends, but for the above reason and because my operation is scheduled now, I can't take a chance.  In another week I'll be totally locked down for the two weeks that follow.  With sons #1 and #2 away for much of the day it was very quiet, even son #3 was quieter than usual. Somewhere in the midst of all this quiet there was a lot of thinking about the long term impact of all this isolation.  Not really worked out anything coherent yet. You'll be the first to know when I've som...

I've got all the boring chores either done or under way, so first off I'm going to read some of today's papers. Third wash hung out, it's time to watch the second episode of 'Altered Carbon'. After watching the second episode, my conclusion so far is there are a lot of nipples. TV criticism at its finest. Pop back tomorrow for more insightful analysis. Listened to a podcast about Kraftwerk that a friend shared with me. Enjoyable, though I didn't learn anything I didn't already know. Kind of odd in that it talked about all the music and musicians influenced by them, with obvious reference points like Afrika Bambaataa's 'Planet Rock' (which is the starting point of so much of today's music) and Bowie, but chose not to illustrate any of this. Strange. Managed to grab some time to listen to music. Two albums at the outer reaches: one by Witch 'N' Monk, the other by Revolutionary Army of the Infant Jesus.  Both of these are explo...

Friday at last. I have next week off so the end of the working day can't come a moment too soon. Before that, however, I must finish the design document I'm writing, or at least get it to the point where there's nothing more I can add.  I'm due to hand it over late afternoon. Eventually the appointed hour arrives.  Document's written, I now need to spend the next 60 minutes or so walking a colleague through the design. One hour later and I have more to do, but once I've made the changes we've agreed and written the additional sections I'm shutting down and putting it all away for a week.  Document updated and sent! A couple more things to do still: reply to an urgent email, update my time record for the week and set my out of office message.  All done. About to put all my work stuff away. What a week! I suddenly realised I'd not managed to find time to sit down and listen to music all week.  Most days this week the time just seems to have evapo...