Nine Feet Underground

A break from being a lazy sod: started the day with yoga at 7 a.m. - 30 minutes of breathing exercises, 15 minutes of movement all topped off with another final breathing exercise.  There were 8 or 9 of us on the Zoom call (plus yogini) and at the end we all wished each other happy New Year as the next time we three meet again it will be 2021. All our days, whilst at home, have the imprint of routine stamped upon them, regardless of whether it's a noteworthy day, such as Christmas Day, or any other day.  My wife's care routine, involving 5 carer calls a day, is stamped on everything we do.  Whilst the carers are entirely capable of doing what they do without my involvement, in reality, at least once a day thing arise which I need to know about.  In practice this means that I am involved with almost every visit, which, in turn, means that all the things I might want to fit into the day have to fit around their schedule.  As I'm sure I've said several ti...

The days between Christmas and New Year are when I get my real Christmas break, nothing that needs to be made or delivered or produced, just time to unwind and use the time for things that I enjoy, give or take. One thing I will try and find time to do is finish reading the book club novel we'll be discussing in early January - if I do it'll be both the first bit of sustained reading I've done in well over a month and also the first book I've finished in as long. I've finished it! I have completed reading 'The Housekeeper and the Professor' by Yoko Ogawa, well ahead of the 4th January deadline. It was fairly short, more novella than novel, but let's not quibble, I have finished it and that's what counts. I'll not say anything about it though, not until after the book club discussion.  The carers arrive a little after 12 and hoist my wife into her special tilt-in-space chair, I get all suited up and gloved for the catheter flush when I hear motion...

When I get up for the first carer visit of the day, a little after 7 a.m., I notice it's much colder than of late and, sneaking a peek outside, I can see there's a very sharp frost.  It's going to be a cold day, I think. Things are gradually returning to normal, though the holiday mood persists.  I've now started thinking about what we'll do on New Year's Day. In the past my wife always used to cook a special dinner on the day and I'm thinking I'll try to do something similar.  Maybe some roast beef? I will consult with the team. As has become customary during this holiday period, I am the only one up, though I imagine son #3 will emerge soon.  There are, as always, some things I must do, but those things aside, I am planning to have a day of relaxation.  I have a book to read for January's book club meeting, 'The Housekeeper and the Professor', by Yoko Ogawa, which I need to get in to.  I'm hoping that the period of not being able to f...

Christmas is over - sort of! I don't go back to work until next year, so I'm still on leave for a while yet.  Christmas food is still not over yet, either. Despite cutting down on what we buy, there's still food left that is notionally Christmas food, though of course food is just food, at least from a utilitarian perspective. Today will be the last day of turkey - I have found a casserole recipe which cooks in one pot - I reckon it sounds like a tasty way to finish the turkey. The turkey fed four of us for three meals, which is pretty good for something only meant to feed nine people (we were expecting at least one guest).  Not only that buy by my calculation we have enough food to last until our next shopping delivery which could mean that I'll not have to go to the shops until Saturday. Right now that feels like the safest option. Today will mostly be spent catching up on the chores I'd normally do on a Saturday, though with the intention to read The Observer and...

Got up early for the first carer call of the day, both for the company and also to ask what was the best way to create enough hot water for the later carer call.  Kettles and pans of water.  Armed with this info I returned to bed until about 8:30, got up and cleaned my teeth then made a cup of coffee. In theory the man from British Gas could come at any time from 8 a.m. onwards, but they'd said they'd ring ahead, so no hurry at the moment. I drink my coffee whilst I boil kettles and try and clear up the unwashed debris from last night.  Somehow things have to get done, despite the lack of hot water. The carers arrive and make do with boiled water for washing while I finish off the remaining pans and baking trays. Mid-morning, the gas man cometh! Am I pleased to see him! I explain the problem and show him to the immersion tank.  He takes one look and says he can see what the problem is. As was suggested the previous night it's the immersion heater that the leak i...

Christmas Day!  Staggered start to the day - I'm up first, initially for the first carer call of the day at 7 a.m., then after exercise and showering, up to plan the order of the day and dinner timings. I had initially intended to start cooking the turkey at around 10, with a target of 2 pm to be eating, but two out of three sons struggled to be out of bed by 11, so it wasn't started until after 11. It's a running joke in our house that ever since I took over cooking Christmas dinner, I get very stressed during the process. This year I was determined it would be different. The late emergence of the full complement of sons threatened to derail my best intentions, but as we sat together unwrapping presents and opening cards, it began to dawn on me what was at the root of this unnecessary stress.   Ever since my wife became unable to participate in the Christmas dinner process, I guess about five years now, I have spent my energy trying to deliver exactly what she and I woul...

Christmas Eve! Have I been visited by the spirit of Christmas overnight? Nope! I got up early to find out how complete our Christmas shopping delivery is going to be, in case I need to go out shopping.  Let's have a check in the emails to see what news from yonder city? There's an email from the supermarket... PTL! Despite there being about ten substitutions (all of the Christmas dinner accompaniments were substituted!), I am happy that we have all we have ordered and I'm not going to have to go back out.  We will make the most of what we have! Think I'm going to return to bed until the carer calls around 7 a.m. She's here and I'm up! 'Tis the season to be melancholy and I'm reminded just how much the carers mean to us and how much my own well-being is supported by them too.  The core set of carers have become a part of our family and if it weren't for the banter and laughs we have, I'd have probably gone mad(der)! Meds given and feed pump set up...

Another day confined to barracks. I don't need to go out, other than for exercise, so the way things are (and I read that covid numbers locally continue to increase way too fast), I guess that's how it has to be. As is my custom, I started the day with a yoga breathing session at 7 a.m., still one of the best ways to start a day, fully energising me for...the nothing that lies ahead. It occurs to me that I don't feel in the Christmas spirit yet because I've not been in to an office with decorations and a tree (as I usually would have), nor have I visited (m)any shops(?) with Christmas music playing and people being generally 'festive'. I've been taking part in 'Whamageddon' (see here , if you're unfamiliar), which really hasn't been much of a challenge this year: I think I've only heard one Christmas song, so far, that being 'Christmas Wrapping' by The Waitresses. Assuming I don't put on the Christmas CDs until Christmas Day, ...

Christmas is getting closer and I'm gradually putting the final things in place. I must admit I don't feel a bit 'Christmassy' (whatever the hell that actually means) yet.  I probably won't until the shopping has arrived on Thursday/Christmas Eve and I know everything is in place and I can chill.  Later today I will deliver my final cards and presents locally ('cos obviously I can't go anywhere) and I'll just be left with present wrapping and food to deal with. Under normal circumstances I'd pop out and buy things as they came to mind, this year, for obvious reasons, I'm having to be even more organised than normal (I'm a pretty well-organised person normally, it's in the nature of what I do for a living!) as I really am doing my best to avoid going out anywhere where there are people.  Writing that, it sounds ridiculous, I'm deliberately avoiding seeing people. Crazy, but that is the way life is.  First things first. I've decided...

I start the day with an NHS guided meditation at 7:30. There are two others plus the leader. This sets me up well for the day, but is the last of the year and also the last in this format.  We all thank our guide and exchange Christmas best wishes.  From next year the Talking Therapies team will be focusing their meditation efforts (there's a whole lot more they do, naturally) on the eight week MBCT for depression courses and longer guided mediation sessions - a couple of hours to a day or half day. All of this, at least for the foreseeable future, over various platforms. There is a chance the Monday morning session might return, but their existing plans will need to have bedded in, before that becomes a possibility. Talking Therapies has been exceptionally busy this year and they are seriously underfunded. Before attending any of these sessions with Talking Therapies you have to complete a questionnaire, which consists of several smaller questionnaires, including PHQ-9 ...

Sunday gets off to a slow start, which is the way I like it.  Slower than usual after yesterday's latest announcements. Carers are running a bit later than usual, so I've finished my breakfast before they arrive.  Car problems! After breakfast the usual chores take centre stage.  After lunch I decide to go and hand deliver some of the Christmas cards I can easily on foot.  Exercise and another one less thing I've not done. When I return from my delivery round, I start wrapping the remaining presents for the carers - a lot of it in the form of alcohol - as I plan to start handing it out tomorrow. Late afternoon I sit down with son #2 for a chat and to watch the end of a film together - I think he's watching it out of nostalgia as it's a film from his childhood.  I happily watch it with him as we don't often just sit and chill together. There are things I am trying to work out, but I'm not able to put them into words, yet.  I'm sure their day will c...

Out the house on the way to the shops with son #2 before the first carer call of the day: as we are exiting our, she passes and we flash and wave. Ships in the night (literally, as it's still bloody dark) We park up, walk to the shops and join the queue.  I still don't like shopping as things currently are: I'm afraid I don't trust other people and how well they are observing the rules.  Since we have to shop, my plan is to get it done and out of the way as quickly as possible, while it's quiet. As it is we've woken up in tier 3, which is beginning to put our Christmas plans in doubt.  We finish the supermarket shop fairly quickly - it's still not that busy, which makes the effort of getting up worthwhile (I'm not sure son #2 wholly agrees).  It's now raining very heavily as we make our final stops at the bread stall to pick up our order and the coffee shop for our breakfast.  Back to the car and now the car park is starting to get busy, but we are l...

7 a.m., first carer of the day is at the door, and I welcome her in with a cheery greeting, despite having only emerged from my bed 5 minutes or so ago.  As she prepares my wife's meds we chat and she reminds me Christmas is a week today.  This provokes a momentary shiver of panic, but then I remember that though I haven't finished all the shopping, I have plans, it should all come together.  Hopefully, by the end of Monday, I will have almost everything in place. After she leaves I go and get ready for the day. I'm planning to go to the shops to get the final presents for those carers I've not bought for, so far. Whilst getting ready I have a brainwave and decide to go as soon as possible, before breakfast, so I can get it out of the way and do so before it starts getting busy.  So that's what I do.  It's about 8:20 and I'm about to head to the shops.  I may be some time. I'm back, shopping done, and time for breakfast. Plans for the rest of the day? ...

Cleaner's here, I've been up, exercised and dressed for over an hour.  The first part of today's mission, should I choose to accept (yeah, right!), is to give her a card and present.  We have a brief discussion of Christmas Eve, a week today, and I say we'll not need her to come that day - it gives her a break (does anyone want to be cleaning someone else's house on Christmas Eve?) and it means everyone can have a lie in. Well, when I say everyone, I really mean everyone except me.  Plans have yet to crystallise, but I'm probably going to be making the starter for Christmas Day's dinner, plus I'll probably have other shit to do. My plan from this far away will to be ready to chill by the evening. What was that? Did I just see...? No, it can't have been? Come on, pigs cannot fly, you know that. Where was I?  ' The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men / Gang aft agley ' Cleaning continues against a backdrop of more Christmas stuff, but I have to p...