Lockdown Diary - Tuesday 22nd December 2020

Christmas is getting closer and I'm gradually putting the final things in place. I must admit I don't feel a bit 'Christmassy' (whatever the hell that actually means) yet.  I probably won't until the shopping has arrived on Thursday/Christmas Eve and I know everything is in place and I can chill.  Later today I will deliver my final cards and presents locally ('cos obviously I can't go anywhere) and I'll just be left with present wrapping and food to deal with.

Under normal circumstances I'd pop out and buy things as they came to mind, this year, for obvious reasons, I'm having to be even more organised than normal (I'm a pretty well-organised person normally, it's in the nature of what I do for a living!) as I really am doing my best to avoid going out anywhere where there are people.  Writing that, it sounds ridiculous, I'm deliberately avoiding seeing people. Crazy, but that is the way life is. 

First things first. I've decided to strip my bed today, so I have the windows open to air the mattress and the room.  Probably won't wash the bedding until tomorrow as I have quite a lot of stuff to wash for my wife.  These are the life and death, knife-edge decisions that my life revolves around.

I am ashamed to admit it, but all my Christmas shopping, present-wise at least, has been done online this year.  I can't afford to take the risk of going out to busy shops full of people who aren't taking this seriously, as so many obviously haven't been. (Not helped by the fact that the Government seems to think that schools and school-children are magically bypassed by the virus.)

Mid-morning our vegetable delivery arrives: one more thing off the list!

We're expecting one of the district nurses (I'm trying to refrain from referring to them as DNs, as other professionals I deal with do) at some point to replace my wife's suprapubic catheter.  Not so long ago this was quite a traumatic experience for her each time it was done, but the progression of MS (I assume it's this) means that she barely opens her eyes or seems to notice either the removal of the old one or the insertion of the new one.  I must admit I still find it miraculous that you can poke a tube through a hole in the abdomen and find a similar sized hole in an organ inside the body, which you can't see.  It seems like the equivalent of playing darts with your eyes shut, but less sharp.

We have lunch a bit later than normal, and, unusually, the nurse has not been yet - typically they come in the morning.

After lunch, son #3 and I head off to do the card deliveries.  We'll be fairly quick and hopefully get back before the nurse arrives, as I like to be there when the catheter is changed, just in case it is painful (it hasn't been for months and months now, but you never know) and I need to hold my wife's hand so she can squeeze hard if it hurts.

We return, having completed our mission, and not long after the nurse arrives.  I stick around for the process, which all goes smoothly.  Only one consequence - I need to order some more spare catheters as we're down to one only now.  On the phone to the continence service after the nurse leaves. They are closed now as it's a little after 3:30 p.m., so I leave a message.  They will no doubt ring back tomorrow.

After that excitement is over I return to being a bit lost.  When there's lots to do, I am fine, but when I am left to myself I am still struggling a bit. In the end I put 'Freak Zone' on and listen to it: it's a musical advent calendar with songs / tunes which have the numbers 1 to 25 associated with them, beginning with 'Going for the One' by Yes and ending with '25 O'Clock' by The Dukes of Stratosfear (XTC in disguise) - you get the picture.

Around the time I finish listening to 'Freak Zone' the carers arrive again, for the final time today.

Kindly, son #1 agrees to help me change my bedding. I can do it alone, but it's so much easier wrestling with a double-mattress with two of you. Bed's now changed, the window remains open as it is very mild and if I'm to sleep tonight, I'll need the window open. 

The evening beckons and dinner must be made.  I start prepping vegetables with son #2, as we make a pasta sauce to go with the beef meatballs we're cooking.

We sit down together and watch a couple more episodes of 'The Mandalorian', then clear up and I get ready for bed and sleep.

An outtake from a rock compilation I put together a week or so ago, 'Bridge of Sighs' is a blues-ey number that seems to fit well with the prevailing mood. It is by Robin Trower and is the title track of the album it comes from. The one fault with the track is that it doesn't return to the main riff it opens with, a minor quibble but still slightly disappointing. [I nearly chose 'Cortez The Killer' instead, but this won]

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