Lockdown Diary - Monday 14th December 2020

Less than two weeks until Christmas!  I really need to get myself organised!  I am off work now until January, so I ought to the find time.

Usual Monday morning, with yoga as the highlight.  

Lunch with the boys and another episode of 'The Mandalorian'. After lunch I plan to knuckle down and make a start on the Christmas cards.

Here we go! Christmas cards - I have a plan:  I'll do the ones I need to post first, then hand-delivered. Don't know when the last posting dates are, but it can't be long!!  If I get half the ones that need posting done today then it will be a result, do the rest that need posting tomorrow.  I guess I could go all digital, but it wouldn't work for some people who are digitally challenged and it's also a tradition that my wife would want to uphold, so whilst she is around there'll be no change and maybe not even after.

My handwriting is increasingly becoming medical, legibility-wise, and it's a constant battle to write slow enough and clearly enough for the cards to get to where they are intended to go and for the recipients to know who sent them. I shall refrain from making jokes about having an aching right hand, you'll be pleased to know.

Tonight is book club secret Santa: I have a parcel I'm waiting to open together with my co-critics later this evening. Looking forward to it.

Before the ritual unwrapping (of presents! follow the thread!) can take place I must help sons 2 and 3 get organised into making dinner: tonight's recipe is chicken in black bean sauce.  I won't be helping much as I'll be secret Santa-ing, but I do want to help as much as I can - son #2 has been doing too much of it alone of late.

Drink in hand, and present at the ready, I join the book club secret Santa call. Almost everyone is there and excitement and anticipation is in the air!  

After a suitable time - one shouldn't appear too hasty - on cue we take a screen shot of all the wrapped presents, then begin the unwrapping. Everyone looks most pleased, hopefully not too appropriately, my book is 'Christmas is Murder' by Val McDermid.  It's described as 'a festive collection of chilling tales', which does sound like something that could kick start me back into reading. I've never read any Val McDermid, so it is a double winner. Another screen shot is taken of us all holding our books, for posterity.

I'm glad I went as it was fun, and nice to see people, but I'm still not really feeling myself at the moment. An internal war still rages and I feel like an iceberg cut loose from it's home, drifting without purpose, slowly diminishing into non-existence.  Ever since my wife's presence became increasingly physical rather than real, Christmas has become a time of year with two faces.  I'm reminded of some of the wilderness years before I met her - I have always understood, going back even to my childhood, or at least what I can remember of it, the deep sadness that is at the heart of Christmas.  I know how difficult a time it can be for so many people and the nature of Christmas is what makes this so painfully real. Nevertheless I do love Christmas and try to enjoy the closeness of family (while it lasts) as well as sharing with others in need.

I think I need to sleep.

It's the time of year when I should dig out my favourite Christmas album, Low's album simply titled 'Christmas'.  From it, this is their take on 'Silent Night'.

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