Nine Feet Underground

Made a more concerted effort to be awoken by the light of dawn (thank you Dawn!), but still the alarm was what woke me, even though I'd set it for 10 to 7.  A bit too cloudy perhaps? Today is all about work, again. The euphoria of passing the certification exam has all but left me. Back to the stuff that needs doing, like the year end review process. Oh, tedium, where art thou? After work son #2 and I went to pick up son #3 from uni - his next week is a reading week, so he's decided to return for a weekend of home comforts (I think I'm going to have extra washing) before getting stuck in to his reading and end of year essays next week. After returning with son #3, it was time to get stuck in to cooking - we'd decided to make chilli con carne tonight and the recipe reckoned 10 minutes prep and 1 hour to cook it so it was straight into prep after washing hands etc. Team effort until the later stages when things were just cooking, then the rest was done by son #2 and I. A ...

Early start for the usual Thursday reason - cleaner at the gates by 10 to 7 again, so no time to relax. I'm beginning to understand why castles had ramparts, moats and drawbridges - after all, it is said that an Englishman's home is his castle! Too early for oil on the stove. Big day work-wise - the day has finally come when I must re-take the MuleSoft platform architect certification: sort of last chance, otherwise the company will have to pay for me to take it again.  That, however, is not until this afternoon. Until then work! Son #2 made lunch early today, which was good for both of us, but me especially, given my exam would start slap bang in the middle of when we're normally eating. Worked through lunch as has become customary, but not revising for the MuleSoft exam now - anything I cram into my brain cell won't help me. After lunch I have to prepare the room for the exam.  I have to take the exam in the lounge/living room because the exam is videoed and before yo...

My plan to be wakened by the light of the new day hasn't worked well this morning - the time I get up seems to be too early for the sun, but I will persevere.  Hopefully some light will have an effect on my brain, even if it's not enough to wake me. Up for chanting at five to seven then the yoga breathing class (with some movement thrown in for good measure) for 45 minutes from seven. I'm now well set up for the working day and so on we go! Around lunchtime the community matron and a trainee nurse arrive to check my wife is responding to the antibiotics, which she is, and it does seem that another more serious chest infection has been averted, until the next time.  The worst thing now is the side-effects of the antibiotics which means there's extra work all round, but I guess that is life. Back to work! Son #1's gf arrives mid-afternoon - just after a torrential downpour - so she's glad to have arrived: having let her in, son #1 appears, fresh from the shower (e...

Even though the clocks have gone back, it was still a struggle to get up this morning, and it wasn't because today's a working day. Part of the problem is that I seem to be going through another phase of sleeping badly.  I know I woke up at around 3 a.m. and definitely had some strange dreams about being back at university in Leeds with a vague feeling of being somewhere but not being able to leave, for reasons I can't recall. I have had an idea that I should sleep with the curtains open in the expectation that as the light comes up around dawn, it should start to wake me up before my alarm, assuming I'm not getting up too early for that.  It might make me feel more awake or at least receptive to waking. Today will be dominated by work, give or take any minor interruptions. The good news is that my wife is already responding to the antibiotics and looks much better and more awake.  Her temperature is still fluctuating a bit, so we're still going to have to administe...

I'm really glad I no longer work Mondays.  I can't imagine going back to working five days a week and on the few occasions where I've been flexible to meet special demands of work that could be met in no other way, then I've noticed the difference. Mondays are always busy, just busy with things I choose to take the time to do.  At least two of the things I regularly do on a Monday benefit work indirectly: if I didn't do meditation and yoga then the source of energy that powers me through the working week would be diminished. Today's a special day: son #2 starts his new job as a cybersecurity apprentice with a very large multinational corporation.  They've supplied him a laptop as well as a couple of boxes of various of their household products which will be very handy.  He has an online induction meeting at 10 and various other meetings today. There are 21 emails to greet him and he is initially quite surprised as he's not worked for a large corporate be...

Despite getting, at least in theory, an extra hour of sleep, getting up was no easier, though in truth I didn't sleep until later, so maybe that is part of it. Starting the day slowly with coffee, an almond croissant and today's paper.  I'll have things to do, but they can wait. When I started writing this diary at the start of the lockdown my idea was that it would be a place where I could write exactly what I felt or thought, regardless of the consequences, because it is anonymous. Of course, it isn't, plenty of people know who writes this and also, even if that hadn't become obvious though my own hand, it really is quite difficult to remain totally anonymous on the internet. (I have investigated this and it is nigh on impossible, without going to the sort of effort which gets in to dodgier territory) In practice I have found it impossible to be totally honest about what I think or feel.  Some thoughts I have trouble accepting myself, so I choose to bury them or, ...

The final Saturday of British Summer Time, though any hint of summer in the weather has been absent for quite a few weeks now. Sadly, as befits the times, it's going to be another Saturday spent in the same way as most other Saturday's this year, doing the same old boring shit there isn't time for in the working week. In order to spice 😆 things up a bit, I've decided we're going to get a curry delivered tonight rather than get a microwaveable pale imitation of one. That - unexpected surprises notwithstanding - will be the highlight of the day. Apart from the chores - what chores? I'll have a large glass of pinot noir please. Start again. Apart from the chores, I will endeavour to read the papers, and also maybe a bit more of 'Ulysses' and 'The Many'.  Talking of which, 'The Many' is our book club choice for the month, it's quite short - more novella than novel - and sounded quite interesting from the blurb, but without giving too muc...

Despite living under the restrictions that lockdown imposes, the weeks seem to be flying by at the moment, so here we are at the start of Friday again. I don't think they're flying by because I'm having a wonderful time, far from it. I'm often painfully reminded that I / we (my sons included) have not managed to get away at all this year, and won't have done by the time it ends.  The biggest challenge to going away - if that meant all of us - is how is my wife would be cared for whilst we're away.  As things stand, especially given the government's treatment of care homes, I'm not happy with the idea of her going to a care home for respite, assuming they'd even accept her. The alternative would be to have someone live here with her, but when I've looked in to that, it's a lot more complex than you might imagine, and, in reality, it would probably mean that there would be long periods each day when she'd be left alone, though not at night ...

Up early, exercised and dressed, thinking I'd have time to lie down and chill for a few minutes before the cleaner arrived, but it was not to be - barely had I started to relax when the sound of intruders approaching was triggered and I sprang off the bed and down the stairs. Cleaning underway and it's barely 7 a.m. - there'll be no relaxing now!  I've had breakfast and am going to start work, with a brief interlude whilst my office is cleaned. Work now. Brief interruption late morning as the cleaning is done, and our cleaner says 'goodbye!'. At lunchtime I go upstairs to my room to find something that mystifies me every week.  How is it that, in the process of cleaning, everything that the cleaner has moved to dust etc has been put back somewhere different. You'd think, on the balance of probability, that at least one thing would go back to where it was, but you'd be wrong.  She is determined to contribute to the entropy of the universe remaining high. ...

Wednesday already!  The days seem to pass so fast at the moment. At the moment my working days are passing faster than my days off.   Managed to haul myself out of bed for the early yoga session but did miss the chanting at 5 to 7 as I was cutting things a bit fine, well and also because I didn't realise it was happening this week - I turned up last week and took part in the chanting. After the breathing and moves were over it was time to get showered, exercised and breakfasted as quick as possible in order to get started on work. Around lunchtime I offered to take son #2 to the post office given it was persisting down and he needed to send the parcel today. In return he made lunch when we got back, which meant I could return to work and eat lunch whilst working. Not long after lunch was made son #1's gf arrived, here arrival on a Wednesday is fast becoming a feature of our weeks.  Son #1 wasn't up yet, hardly surprising when you consider he hadn't gone to ...

Back to reality with a bump! Work today, naturally, so I'm not sure how much I'll have to say, unless the urge to write takes hold. I know I've said it before, but these darker mornings do diminish the will to get up early, and today was no exception, though against the odds I did manage to be up by ten to 7, which I count as a result. I will have to do a lot better tomorrow and Thursday, though. Work has dominated the day so far, though something unsettling is working its way into my thoughts and it's becoming a distraction. Things got steadily worse. I'm having one of those 'adrift' days: as the day has worn on I've started to feel unsure why I'm doing what I'm doing; I don't feel as if any of my efforts make a difference or move me any closer to where I want to be; in short, I can't see the point of anything, really. This is the danger of me and my brain being left alone for too long and why, unless my mind has purpose or direction, I...

Monday morning disappeared under a sequence of meditation and yoga. Between meditation and yoga I decided the weather looked OK - there was sun - and it so it was the perfect time to change my bed and get it washed. Made a quick trip to the post office to send a parcel tracked, back in time for the lunchtime carer visit. I spent the afternoon sorting out admin of one sort or another, which was both tedious and frustrating at times - some websites need help from UI/UX designers who've actually tried to use their sites in anger! - but despite the annoyances, I finished the tasks. As if operating according to some pre-destined cycle, the evening arrived and with it the need to change my bedding, having suitably aired the mattress.  Son #1 had agreed to help, though on occasion it's difficult to drag him away from the life and death activity that is online computer gaming. At a point where the criticality of the game had reduced to safe levels, he kindly joined me in turning the ma...

Looks like I have a typical Sunday ahead of me: nothing planned; a few chores to do; papers to read (yesterday's and today's); other stuff too boring to mention. Early afternoon son #2 informed me that he and son #1 are going out for lunch with friends, so I decide to get out and go for a walk for 30-minutes plus, just to make sure someone's here at all times. Knock up some lunch for myself - beans on cheese on toast, a favourite lunch that I've not had in ages. Might as well indulge. Mind you I had probably taken the indulgence a bit far today: I bought a cream-filled apple turnover from the bread stall yesterday and I decided to have that afterwards.  I am lactose-intolerant but the cream apple turnover used to be my favourite pastry.  Before eating it I took about 700 lactase tablets and roughly the same number after.  It was absolutely wonderful to eat and no side effects, so far.  I'll probably not have another for about 10 years, but as a one-off indulgence, i...

Woke up to a full house and a plan to go shopping with both son #1 and his gf. It's the twins birthday, so I had been planning to do a deal with son #3, so neither of the twins had to join me, however son #1 was keen to come as his gf is planning to make a banoffee pie today, so who am I to argue (answers on a postcard please to: The Argumentative Bastard, PO Box 9999, London, WC4 2PP)?  There's an additional advantage as son #1's gf has a staff discount card for the store in question, which is an unexpected bonus. Did all the usual stuff then came home to eat breakfast and get various chores done while we waited for all three sons to be up, dressed and ready for card and present opening. We had a meal booked at the local Italian restaurant for lunch and, for a change, I'd planned we'd walk there and back - if nothing else, a way to ensure I did more than my quota of walking for the day.  Presents opened, it was time to head off! As we don't normally eat our ...

Friday again, yay! Well, not quite 'yay' yet, as there's the small matter of work to get through. As so often happens, whenever I start to think I have a straightforward day ahead just getting on with work, it doesn't turn out that way. Things started to go awry around lunchtime. When the lunch carers arrived they said they felt my wife wasn't quite right, though there was nothing obvious. I was inclined to agree she hadn't seemed quite right over the past few days and so called the community matron out.  Luckily she was around and said she'd pop round at about 2 p.m. or so. Having set this up I thought it was time for a brief meditate, but it was not to be. The dietitian called and I had to answer as I needed to speak to her about my wife's referral to endoscopy to have the PEG tube replaced. As always complications, because we aren't sure she has capacity to agree to the operation and so, potentially, at least, one of the psychologists will have to...

Early start for the usual Thursday reason, but today I've also got to post a couple of things and queue for my prescription at Boots, so I need to be outside their doors by 8:30 a.m. if I'm to get back and start work by 9 at the latest. Back from Boots: 2nd in the queue so I got the meds and set up the repeats early enough to grab a coffee to drink as I start working. Work dominates the day, with another brief interlude to plumb the depths of the HMRC probate service.  Each day I get one step closer to completing my mission! As the working day heads towards the end I realise I haven't kept up my walking promise today either, and shortly it will be time for Idler drinks with David Goodhart and Lola Shoneyin.  David Goodhart talked about recent book, 'Head Hand Heart', 'which seeks to return higher status to the manual and caring professions' and led to an interesting discussion about the changing future of work and the value, or otherwise, of higher education...

Yoga started at 5 to 7 this morning, beginning with five minutes of chanting before getting into the breathing and movement sections.  It was an interesting experience: 5 minutes of chanting the same thing over and over again, rhythmically does have a very settling effect on the brain. There is something to be explored here. As soon as yoga finished - without putting the mat, blocks or cushions away - I'm off upstairs to get showered, exercised and dressed in order to have breakfast made ready to start work by 9, at the latest. Not that that's a hard and fast rule, it's just what I like to try and achieve. The rest of the day is centred around work apart from a brief web chat with HMRC, which, predictably, didn't quite get us to the answer I was after. I still have to call HMRC, though that can wait until tomorrow - I can only stand so much excitement in one day. Early afternoon NRS Healthcare arrived to service my wife's mattress and associated pump. Largely a form...

Back to work! There are a whole host of deliveries due today, from feed supplies for my wife, a book for my son at uni and birthday presents for the twins. I'm also due at the GP surgery for a flu jab at 11:16 precisely! Not only that but 'our' electrician is coming to replace the two extractor fans in the bathrooms: the one in the en-suite is dead and, given both are over 27 years old, I thought it best to replace that one before it dies too. I'm hoping there's not too much non-electrical work to do, as he's not  big fan (!) of that. The electrician arrived at around 9:30, just after the morning carers started their tasks, so it was all a bit hectic with coming and goings through the front door whilst the carers were washing my wife's hair in bed. My wife's bedroom is directly opposite the front door and the bathroom they use is by the door, so it was all a little fraught 'til the electrician had got all his tools and stuff in. I returned to work wh...

Monday starts off with a load of activity from the relatively sedate mindful meditation at 7:30 to the rather more vigorous yoga at 10  o'clock. In and around these two events I ate breakfast, drank a coffee and went to the Post Office. Shortly after getting changed out of my yoga gear the lunchtime carers arrived to do their things during which I chatted with them about about this and that. Bumped into son #2 who'd just emerged from his pit - guess he might as well take advantage of this opportunity to sleep in while he can, as he won't be able to emerge so late once he starts his new job - and we had a hug before I went off to meditate for 20 (more) minutes. As my meditation came to an end I could hear son #2 making lunch in the kitchen so I went and joined him to help out. Abandoned to eat my lunch alone, I decided to read yesterday's paper (which I didn't have time to start) whilst hoping the weather would clear enough to persuade me to go for a walk. It does se...