Lockdown Diary - Tuesday 20th October 2020

Back to reality with a bump! Work today, naturally, so I'm not sure how much I'll have to say, unless the urge to write takes hold.

I know I've said it before, but these darker mornings do diminish the will to get up early, and today was no exception, though against the odds I did manage to be up by ten to 7, which I count as a result. I will have to do a lot better tomorrow and Thursday, though.

Work has dominated the day so far, though something unsettling is working its way into my thoughts and it's becoming a distraction.

Things got steadily worse. I'm having one of those 'adrift' days: as the day has worn on I've started to feel unsure why I'm doing what I'm doing; I don't feel as if any of my efforts make a difference or move me any closer to where I want to be; in short, I can't see the point of anything, really. This is the danger of me and my brain being left alone for too long and why, unless my mind has purpose or direction, I'm not my own best company. I am like a cat with a loose thread: before long the jumper has become several lengths of wool, nothing more. When I'm amassing a set of disparate threads, I lose interest in music, books, everything. Only sleep provides a refuge.

Somehow, through a combination of chores and conversation with sons 1 and 2, I have managed to halt my descent. Constantly living life in limbo does wear me down. Nevertheless, I've reset my thinking, at least enough for now, and am about to catch up with the end of the last episode of 'Lovecraft Country' ahead of watching another tonight.

Yep. Episode 7 really did send things off the rails a bit.  Both son #2 and I agree it does seem to be getting lost, though in his opinion episode 7 was almost a stand-alone episode which didn't progress the story line by much.  I'm beginning to think even that's being generous, but let's see what episode 8 has in store tonight.

A better episode, though I still think it's running out of steam if not quite off the rails altogether, yet. Son #1 started eating his dinner later and regretted this when a particularly stomach churning scene recurred. It's definitely worth eating before watching 'Lovecraft Country'.

Sleep can't come too soon tonight!

Probably because I've been listening to their live album, the song 'Happy House' has been bouncing round my brain today.  Re-listening to that song made me think of the single 'Christine', which also comes from the album 'Kaleidoscope', and that's the song I've chosen


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