Lockdown Diary - Saturday 22nd August 2020

Saturday comes around again and I have all the usual things to do, none of which are even remotely interesting, and therefore I shan't mention any of them.

I seem to have dropped into a 'slough of despond', if I may steal a reference from John Bunyan's 'The Pilgrim's Progress'. I've been there for a few days now, though I think I've been skirting it for a few weeks, in reality.  It's exacerbated by the current coronavirus lockdown and some of the specific implications of that for our (as in this family specifically) circumstances.  The longer the lockdown, or at least my need to apply the rules of it, has gone on, the worse it has got.  There's been a few issues to deal with like my operation and the recovery process, as well as the more recent A-level shenanigans and implications for son #3's plans - these have occupied me and my mind one way or another.  The trouble is, once these things drop away, you are left with reality and the inescapable truth of the situation.

There are two ways forward, I suppose: to tackle it by an outward-facing, 'change the future' approach; or, resign myself to being unable to change anything for the better (given change is coming sooner or later, whatever I do) and try and focus inward on the the things I have and that are around me and seek pleasure in those.  My energy is at a low ebb and the latter course of action is the least effort option, but I also know that I'm not great on my own for extended periods. That way madness lies. I have been there, it's not a good place and I do not wish to go back. I thrive on socialising and meeting people and that dynamic makes the time on my own more pleasurable. Balance.

Sons 1 and 2 are out to the pub, so son #3 and I watch 'The Big Lebowski', one of my favourite films - which was his choice I should hasten to add!  It was good to watch it again, each time I do I notice something new.  Amongst many little things I spotted this time around, I noticed that Captain Beefheart is playing in the background at one point, which provided a little frisson of joy.

Public Image Limited with a single from the album 'Metal Box' (later re-released as 'Second Edition'). The single is titled 'Death Disco' though the album track it's edited from is called 'Swan Lake', for reasons that will become obvious. It features both the excellent guitar stylings of Keith Levene as well as the thunderous bass of Jah Wobble.

[[]]