Lockdown Diary - Sunday 29th November 2020

A few things to sort out today.

After getting up my first thought was to check how my wife was doing. She is still very sleepy and so I resolve to check her temperature (which doesn't feel too bad) and oxygen saturation during the second morning carer call of the day, just to ensure I'm not missing anything. It's especially important since she's due to go to hospital tomorrow to have her PEG replaced.

In amongst the care routine, which also generates another complete wash load, I manage to take her temperature, which is normal, and also check her SPO2, which is a healthy 97%, so I am as reassured as it's possible to be, given she can't tell us what's wrong, that she is OK.  No infection. No lung problems. Breathe a sigh of relief until the next time.

I'm reminded that I live in a constant state of fear/worry and that every time I or the nurses check and she's OK, it's just a deferral of the inevitable, that sooner or later she will get the infection too far. Those thoughts coupled with the ever-present fear that I'll come down stairs in the morning and find that she's departed us, don't make for a very relaxed state of mind. It's like being constantly on amber alert. On one level I suppose I am used to it, but equally I occasionally wonder at what cost. Can't change it, so as someone at work annoyingly used to say, 'it is, what it is'.  

Normal brain cells back online, there's a knock on the front door and real life intervenes.  It's a neighbour and his son, coming to try and retrieve a basketball that's nestled in our rather dense and prickly hedge. We did try retrieving it last night in the dark, but it was hard to see or get.  We had a bit of a catch up with what's going on with them, most notably that they are moving, which is a shame, though they are moving locally.

Christmas is started to loom large on the horizon. I need to start organising food, presents and so on. First on the list are trees:  I text the woman who supplies our trees just to make sure they are still doing them this year - let's face it, all bets are off this year - but luckily I soon get a text back, and yes, they are doing them.  I must admit I prefer not to put trees or decorations up until December has actually started, though I have a few friends who start in late November, which is fine, but I have enough on my plate as it is. Anyway, the point is I order two trees - slightly different requirements this year - a 7 foot one for the room my wife lives in and a 5 foot one for the living room.  This probably sounds like extravagance, but I figure my wife ought to see a tree as well as the rest of us.

All those things sorted, time for a spot of meditation.  Unfortunately today's meditation was interrupted twice by deliveries, which is not ideal and a little but unexpected on a Sunday.

After lunch I made time to go for a half-hour brisk walk as part of my getting back to fitness drive, especially important as I'm planning to do yoga again tomorrow.

Not long after I returned the final carer call of the day arrived and I had to be on hand to make sure they saved some Ensure for my wife to have in the morning before 8 a.m. after which she's allowed nothing to eat.

For the first time in what seems like eons I commandeered the living room to listen to music - a bit of Róisín Murphy - before it was time to make dinner with son #2.

Over dinner - tuna steaks and vegetables -  we watched the first two episodes of 'Two Weeks To Live', a fairly dark comedy starring Maisie Williams who my sons tell me was in 'Game of Thrones'.  It's fun and made me laugh. Result.

Billy Mackenzie provides today's song, in the form of 'Beyond The Sun', the title track from his solo album of 1997. A much missed singer and great loss to music. 

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