Lockdown Diary - Tuesday 2nd March 2021

Tuesday and work beckons.  Highlight of my day, so far (who are you kidding!), has been the early morning chat with the first carer of the day.  She and I share a sense of humour and she's quite happy to take the piss out of me, which is always a good way to bring me down to earth, whilst also understanding the complexity of the situation.

In a moment of calm thought, as opposed to the usual flailing about trying to do things to effect change, one of the reasons I am at a low ebb became apparent.  For the whole period of lockdown, which for me has effectively been the past 12 months (owing to shielding my wife), it has been impossible to change my life because meeting people hasn't been possible. The fact that change hasn't been possible has to some extent suppressed the frustration at not being able to change things, but as the prospect of life returning starts to become a possibility, then the sense of having wasted 12 months of my life is heightened.  Not only a lost year but also as I tentatively start to look forwards and think what I want to do, then all I see is a barren landscape, a social tundra, made worse by the half-life that I wrestle with daily. Damn.

Maybe actions will effect change.

I don't wanna work, I wanna bang on the drum all day! I hate that song with a vengeance, it is one of the most irritating songs ever. Period.

So I am working (I have no drum anyway), writing another presentation that I plan to give on Thursday.

Actions and words provoke a response, sort of. The embers continue to glow however faintly.

It's my mother-in-law's birthday and in the early evening she called to say thanks for the presents and cards, speaking to both me and son #2. She's had a good day. Success.

Tuesday night is son #3's Uni 'Rocket League' tournament night so there'll only be three of us eating together. Son #2 and I make dinner - I prep the Beef joint before, flash-frying it before putting it in the oven.  Flash-frying it in our brand new, barely hours old, frying pan. I'm ditching the old one as it's past it.  Small changes as part of bigger changes. I wish.

Dinner, HIGNFY, clearing up, bed, sleep. Get back in wheel and go around again.

Unexpectedly, alongside a couple of other albums, 'Electrically Possessed (Switched on Volume 4)' arrived in the post today.  Not had time to listen to it all yet, but this is 'Household Names' from it.

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