Nine Feet Underground

Another day dominated by work, primarily because I have tomorrow off and therefore have to finish a load of things first. One of the district nurses arrives during the day to change the water in E's PEG balloon, otherwise it's pretty much straight through working until I join the Idler drinks call at 6 p.m.  (In fact that's not quite true as I still had some work to complete during the call, but mostly emails.) Tonight's guest is comedian Sindhu Vee, who has had an interesting career trajectory from PPE at Oxford, followed by a career in investment banking, taking up stand-up comedy in her 40s after having children.  Some very interesting thoughts on Hinduism, the Bhagavad Gita and life as an Indian woman in general.  Afterwards a catch-up with the usual Idler reprobates which was, as always, immense fun. Dinner and 'The Man in The High Castle' with son #2 followed by preparation for my long weekend away, and a pre-sleep chat with a friend. Sleep not being oblig...

I got up, walked and talked (multitasking!!! and I didn't trip once!!!), then worked (and worked (and worked)). Today has had the most intense series of meetings that I've had for along time - intense in that they were back-to-back (as opposed to Back to Black), rather than overly challenging necessarily. One of the highlights of my day was a kind offer by a friend who's also a pharmacist to deliver my wife's medication tomorrow. Things are pretty hectic at the moment, so it's really appreciated. The day comes to an end via dinner, 'The Man In The High Castle' and conversation. The Internet / 'Come Over' / 'Hive Mind'   [[]]

Back to work, but only for three days this week as I have a long weekend away planned from Friday to Monday.  Today, and the next three days, are all about work, though. In the event today hasn't quite turned out as expected, work-wise, with several interruptions that meant I had to leave work meetings.  The most significant of these was the arrival of the Neuro-Rehab consultant to inject Botox into some of E's joints to help bring some flexibility where joints haven't completely fused yet.  There were a lot of background questions I had with the consultant, before she carried out the examination to determine precisely which joints might benefit from Botox. After examination the consultant determined that only her hands would benefit and so I held E's arms still whilst six Botox injections were made (four in the left arm, two in the right).  Now it's done we have to keep an eye on E for 24 hours as there are quite a lot of potential side-effects, though the benefits...

Originally I had intended to go to this morning's live/in-person yoga class, however yesterday whilst beside the seaside, beside the sea, I rather foolishly twisted my right ankle because my mind was elsewhere and not focused on the unexpected level change I encountered.  After a brief period of hobbling like a goblin (is that a thing?) my ankle seemed to recover and leaving a slight ache, mostly. Overnight, however, it stiffened (my ankle, stick with it!!) probably due to lack of movement and it seemed sensible not to attempt to push my luck in my attempts to look like a Flamingo (very pink!) or enter into dancer's pose (which is already difficult enough, being akin to throwing yourself head first off a cliff!) Instead I have decided to get a number of things done and, maybe, if time permits, chill with the weekend's papers, which I've not found time to read, yet. One of the things I had to do was complete the backlog of posts for the weekend that life had prevented me...

[All of this post has been written a day later] The veil of night remains drawn...until a trip out into the fresh sea air for breakfast of eggs and smoked salmon and a walk along the sea front.  I do like being by the sea, no matter how bad the weather, though today there is broken sunlight, at least to begin with. Time passes pleasantly. Proximity. Alignment. Emergent roadmap.  Early evening I set off for home, with son #2 not feeling well and sounding pretty rough on the phone.  I'm home before 7 p.m. and begin to sort things out around the house after checking in with son #2.  He's had a cold for weeks and weeks and is feeling sick and headache-y, and I think he should see a doctor. I make myself cheese on toast while he sleeps / rests, as he doesn't want anything to eat at the moment, and sit down to watch some of a  documentary about Gil Scott-Heron's masterpiece album, 'Pieces Of A Man'. A brief chat with a friend before talking to son #2, who's now g...

An extraordinary Saturday ahead, but one which begins like most others with a trip to the shops. All the usual stuff to cram into a shortened day before I head off to a gig on the south coast and an overnight stay at a friend's house. Just after 2 p.m. I head off for my trip down south... [Everything that follows has been written two days later] After a very tasty but unexpectedly spicy Bangladeshi fish curry (the phrase 'slightly spicy' sounds so tame, it can't possibly be a problem, can it?  The eating of it, however, is a reminder of the inherent ambiguity of the English language, because, as I soon discover, one woman's (or man's for that matter) slightly spicy is another's extremely spicy, and so it was for me - thank God for the bottomless (non-alcoholic I hasten to add) drinks) we headed hot foot (and stomach) to the gig. The gig was an enjoyable occasion, despite the band being one I'd never heard before, playing in a genre I have an uncertain re...

Pretty much the same as the previous three days, so as is becoming customary, I won't have much to say, probably. Very much a run of the mill day at work, though both more productive than some days this week (less meetings) and lifted by receiving an award in the form of £50 of book tokens in recognition of my recent (re-)certification as a Senior Architect.  If nothing else the tokens will cover the next few book club books, assuming I ever finish one.  A lack of reading time due to distractions and a seeming lack of focus brought on by the side-effects of Sertraline, which is making me feel sick but a little less dizzy today, again. Damn! Evening has arrived and I've logged off my work PC: son #2 and I are making dinner - steak tonight - and will watch another episode of 'The Man In The High Castle' once his gf goes to work. After that, chat and sleep, hopefully... Caroline Rose / 'Jeannie Becomes A Mum' / 'Loner'   [[]]

Not wanting to sound like a stuck record, but this post is most likely to be a repeat of yesterday's, being both short and work-dominated.  If I could stop and think I'm sure there's something I could muse upon, but frankly my brain cycles are all used up in the service of a couple of subjects. For the first time in aeons I slept until the alarm woke me and could have slept on but the expected early arrival of our cleaner meant that I had to get myself out of bed.  I realise this may be a one-off and no guarantee of more undisturbed sleep, but it's a start. For a chunk of the morning and early afternoon I've been feeling mildly dizzy which is sadly another of the Sertraline common side-effects, which have still not gone away completely.  Having once almost fainted after giving blood (rather foolishly I'd not eaten beforehand, so when I got off the bed after being drained I found my head spinning and had to be assisted by a nurse (any excuse!)), so ever since I f...

I'm afraid this is going to be another of those 'work dominates the day' kind of posts, probably to the extent I'll not have much to say at all. It's been a run of the mill working day with no disturbances in the time/space continuum, at least as far as my segment of it goes. All the usual Wednesday things happened / were done and they are all too mundane to mention. The day was enlivened by a few chats with a friend who always manages to bring the light in. Continuing as it had started, the day wound down to reading and sleep. An uneventful day, more or less (!!), which is occasionally welcome. Jack Hues / 'The Look Of Love' / 'Primitif'   [[]]

A day devoted to work, pretty much, with the odd non-work interlude. The morning was interrupted by a visit from the Community Matrons, just checking on E, her discharge letter, and the usual measurements. I did learn one thing which wasn't apparent to me from the discharge letter: apparently E's left lung has an area that the bottom that has fluid in it meaning that it doesn't take in as much oxygen as it could.  I was also reminded by the CM that there is a sepsis chart on the wall and that if I note any of the listed red flags I should just call 999.  I have to familiarise myself with it so I can gain confidence in making that call. In the evening I went out for a book club gathering to meet friends who'd moved to Denmark but were back for a couple of days rather than to discuss a book (just as well as I've finished neither of the last two, so far!) Several of us attended and it was good to catch up with everyone again having missed the last two meetings. Got bac...

Unexpectedly the return of yoga in person today has been delayed by the teacher remaining in Morocco a week longer.  I should probably follow one of the videos but the day got off to a disrupted start and so plans have gone out the window. Son #2 has this week off on leave and so we may do something together later, dependent on the weather and the time he emerges from his slumbers. In the meantime I've been catching up with a friend and getting various tedious things organised, things too tedious to mention. Son #2 is up and making lunch with me - we now have a plan: I'm going to spend an hour or so playing a computer game with him, a game which he assures me is really simple and only requires use of two buttons on the game controller.  This is his polite way of telling me it's a game which doesn't require much coordination or ability to remember what button does what, in short a game even a monkey could get the hang of.  Let's hope I don't fall short of a monke...

Sons 1 and 2's birthday today, so we'll be having some kind of celebration once they emerge from slumber.  The timing is not ideal as son #1 has to go back to Birmingham Uni late afternoon and son #3 also has to return to his flat.  In the meantime there's chores to be done, as always, along with a few chats with a friend. Once the twins emerge, we have a card and present opening ceremony. My mother-in-law calls for a chat and to speak to her grandsons on their birthday, we have a catch up afterwards and time has passed so quickly it's now time to take son #1 and his gf to the station and son #3 back to his uni flat. On my return son #2 and I order a takeaway and, when it arrives, decide to watch 'Joker' with Joaquin Phoenix and Robert De Niro, amongst others. Well that was a damn fine film: well-acted (Joaquin Phoenix was incredible) and very dark and psychologically intriguing.  Excellent. I'd thoroughly recommend it. Sonic Youth / 'Kool Thing' / ...

More or less usual start to my Saturday, give or take some extra long chats with the woman who runs the bread stall and the almost catastrophic closure of the coffee shop due to a water leak. Back home to carers, washing, and some wonderfully enjoyable chats with a friend while awaiting news of the plans of sons #1 and 3 to return home for a meal this evening ahead of the twins birthday celebrations tomorrow. Yet again Sertraline side-effects impose themselves on my day, with a mix of headache, feeling sick and occasional dizziness, however I am fighting my way through it by drinking loads of water and occupying my brain cell. Finally the clans have gathered together and five of us (the four of us plus son #1's gf) are ready(-ish) to head for the Turkish restaurant. Back after a good meal (dessert and 'Britain's Got Talent' interlude aside) and about to head off to our eyries for those different parts of our lives.  We need to be fresh and rested for tomorrow's cele...

Another working day marred by the return of the side-effects of sertraline: when will they end? The return of abnormal normality is welcomed today, with E's care back in the hands of those who know her best, the value of which can never be overstated. Finally got the result back from the PCR test, though it wasn't worth waiting for as it was ' We could not read your coronavirus PCR test (or other lab test) sample. This means it’s not possible to say if you had the virus when the test was done. ' As I'm being careful around E and also am due to go out for dinner tonight I take a lateral flow test, which comes back negative.  Late in the afternoon I get an email from the council which basically says that my test was sent to laboratory that's been providing incorrect results, and I should re-do it.  Based on the fact I'm double-vaccinated, have no symptoms, the lateral flow test was negative and the also the fact that if I get a re-test my results would come ba...

All being well, this should be quite a day.  I am working today and it's looking like a busy day ahead, including the planned return of E from hospital. Based on yesterday's conversation with E's care company, I decided to call and check that they had the go ahead from social services to restart care today. Sadly, the answer was no, they didn't.  A hasty call to E's current social worker followed and she agreed to take responsibility for establishing the status and, if necessary, getting approval in place. Meantime I called the hospital to confirm that the doctors were happy for E to leave today, which they are, with a planned return in time for the 'tea' carer call (typically between 2 and 3 pm).   Whilst all these wheels were in motion, I got a text from a friend who works in a local pharmacy offering to drop round my antidepressants which I'll need from tomorrow.  This is such a kind offer, especially given the challenges of today, and is much appreci...

This will be necessarily short, owing to work commitments and a general lack of time. Got my car MOTd in the morning, completing a one hour meeting whilst offsite waiting for the process to complete, the whole thing bookended by a couple of calls with a friend. When  I got home there was a message from the hospital: all being E will be coming home tomorrow, subject to the doctor's round tomorrow morning.  I let the care agency know and discovered that there needs to be a communication from social services that care can restart, before they can do so. Hopefully this should be coordinated via the hospital, but I'll probably need to track this, just in case. Otherwise the day was filled with work... ...until the evening when son #2 and I ate together and watched another episode of 'The Man In The High Castle'. After that, another call with a friend before the negotiation of sleep. Saint Etienne / 'Downey CA.' / 'Sound Of Water'   [[]]

Overnight I got pinged by Track & Trace and it appears that I was in proximity to someone with Covid on Thursday, presumably whilst I was in the hospital.  As I don't have any symptoms and am double-vaccinated, I don't have to self-isolate but I have booked a PCR test today, just in case. Back to work for a bit then heading off to get my PCR test done... ...PCR test done, annoyingly it was a DIY centre, so hopefully I did it OK, it's not so easy in a car. I should hear within four days (which seems a staggeringly long time) though the centre was pretty busy, with people coming and going all the time. Returned from the PCR test to work, until I'm interrupted mid-meeting by a call from my GP which I have to take.  Three vital things to discuss: the side-effects of Sertraline, is it working (mood-wise) and I'm running out on Friday and need more. We've agreed that I'll stick with Sertraline for three more weeks, by which time I will hopefully have either go...

Days are a little different at the moment. E's still in hospital, and hopefully today she'll be coming out, all being well, though it depends what the consultant/doctor thinks. I had plans for the day but they have to be fairly fluid - only when I speak to the hospital will I know what's happening and then I'll decide how I'll spend my day. Had a call from the hospital dietitian asking me to bring in more of the feed and some of the protein liquid, since the hospital stocks neither of them. Clearly she'll not be coming home today. I arrange a visit and resolve to see E's nurse as there are a few things I need to know and also tell her. Back from the hospital. Mission accomplished. E still asleep all the time I was there but I spoke to her and stroked her, so hopefully she knows I've been in.  She's stable but still on antibiotics through the IV, so until the course of antibiotics through the IV is over, they'll not be considering letting her come...

I'm out for most of today, heading to London  to meet a friend. The journey is going to be strange, first time on a train or the tube since 2019, I think.  (BTW, the lavender and chamomile spray seemed to help me get off to sleep, maybe. The jury is out!)  Well that was a wonderful day out; the best day in I don't know how long. Not much else I can say. Back home and son #2 is cooking Tuna ahead of watching the second episode of 'Man In The High Castle'. Goldfrapp / 'Road To Somewhere' / 'Seventh Tree (live version)'   [[]]

Saturday comes around again, but everything's weird. No carers because E's not here, and planning the day around my visit to hospital, which I have to book a time slot for. Got loads of chores to do, so I get on with those.  I've booked a slot to visit E, though she's been moved from AMU to a different ward, as expected. Typically people only stay on AMU for 24 hours before being moved to the appropriate ward, so this is very much according to plan. Eventually the time to go to hospital arrives and I head off with three bottles of E's feed, because it's quite an unusual one and the hospital don't stock it. Hopefully it will be enough, though it does depend how long they will keep her in. As yesterday, E's asleep throughout my visit, only opening her eyes when her cough wakes her momentarily. She's doing OK, but still on IV drip for both saline and antibiotics, so no real news other than she'll be staying in at least until Monday. On my return I c...

This is not the Friday I was looking for. Up late because I am tired after yesterday's non-stop action. Need to contact work about situation as I'm not sure I can work, certainly in no fit state at the moment. Work have kindly agreed that I should focus on my wife today and update them over the weekend as some sort of plan emerges.   I call the hospital for an update and also to arrange a visit. It is possible to visit but you have to book a 30 minute slot, for only one person, wearing a mask and only once a day. I guess it's better than not being able to visit at all, so I'll take it.  My sister is working at the hospital today, so I'll visit her for a catch up and then go and visit E. Before visiting the hospital, however, I need to address the chaos left over from yesterday's hurried return and departure. Back from hospital. I had a good catch-up with my sister for 30 minutes or so before I headed to the AMU to see E. She's looking well and we enjoy shari...

As you may have noticed there have been no posts since Sunday, primarily because I've been away getting some necessary respite, my first since August 2019.  I had thought I might write something whilst I was away - I took a laptop - but in the event I needed total escape and couldn't summon the motivation to start a laptop. This post will therefore be a catch-up, albeit a very limited and summarised one. In fact that is the summary: events have taken a turn such that I've driven for four and half hours and am now waiting for an emergency ambulance to arrive to take my wife (accompanied by me) to hospital.  Luckily I managed to enlist the help of the Community Matron and we now know that my wife is suffering from sepsis and needs to be on a IV drip for both antibiotics and saline. S ome score or other was discussed and my wife's score means it's straight to hospital. The ambulance crew were marvellous (a shout out for South Central!) and were concerned enough about h...

Sleep? Who needs it! I've decided it's an outmoded concept and I'm giving it up, or has it given up on me?  Instead, I decide to get up and get showered, there's no point lying there when sleep is never going to pay me a visit. Waiting on a message to confirm my date is covid-free, and, if so, I'll be heading off Winchester-way for a lunch meetup.  It's on! Negative PCR test, so I've got to get a move on as I've two washes to do and hang out and a third to start, which hopefully son #2 will hang out. I'm running a bit late but the washing is on the line and the next wash is under way - an unexpected load of towels from my wife. It's got to be done as I'm off on holiday tomorrow, not back until some time on Thursday. Back from Winchester! What a great date! There was definitely a spark and before we left we agreed we'd both like to meet again. I'm not sure who was the most excited. Thankfully the lunch was quite filling otherwise I...

I'm going to cut the sleep chatter, but suffice it to say, I'm still not sleeping well. The end.  A day of planning, packing and a bit of washing, though given the rain, I've decided to leave most of it until tomorrow.  When I'll be packing. Ironing the odd thing.  Driving for an hour to go on a date and organising all sorts of things, things too numerous to mention. What could go wrong? Struggling to settle and so I've failed miserably in my task of reading any of the papers.  I went read them, but then gave up. Late afternoon I visited friends who are suffering from a terrible loss. I'm not sure my visit really helped as there are no words adequate for such situations.  They are in my thoughts. In the evening we watched a film together: 'His House' which is an unusual mix of horror and social commentary about asylum seekers.  It was a far better film than I could have imagined.  Good choice, son #2! After that, off to bed hoping for something that pr...

Going backwards!  I'm not aware that I slept at all last night, but I guess I must have, even if only briefly. I am aware, however, that my brain was racing and unable to settle for most, if not all, the night.  I am assuming this is a blip and things will settle down, but it is a pain in the. I must try and martial my meditation skills, though rational thought is quite difficult in the middle of the night when your brain is stuck in a tight CPU loop. Work, through a fog of tiredness and the final waves of cold turkey (can turkey come in waves? There is no answer to that!) Despite the rain early in the day I did manage to hit my walking target, unlike several other days this week. I've decided it's a goal rather than something that has to be done, regardless of how I feel.  To err is to be human. After work I spent a bit of time working out what I'll need to take with me on Monday and what I need to organise before I go. It looks like my wife is fully stocked with suppl...

A slightly better night's sleep using one of the sleep apps, though I'm not sure it was the app or just tiredness from the previous night.  Either way I got off to sleep quicker, though I still woke sometime around 5 a.m. again. Son #2 suggested I don't look at the clock if I wake before the alarm, which is something I used to follow, but it's so long since I've slept this badly (well, essentially it dates back to before I started taking the anti-depressants) that it's a habit I'd broken. A working day and a rainy one, the morning only punctuated by a quick trip to the Post Office to send some Halloween goodies to a friend. Back after a little journey out in the car!  Work was my focus until around 6 p.m. when I joined the Idler drinks with Jessie Cave (actress, author, illustrator, mum and more).  Apart from the fact that she was in several Harry Potter films, I can't say I honestly knew that much about her, but, as always, it was very interesting and w...