Nine Feet Underground

Although I have today off, it pales into insignificance compared to the action of yesterday. This is often my challenge. I decided last night that I'd get up later, but I have to admit, though technically I had more sleep, I don't feel any better for it. I still struggled to get up and I know that there is an undercurrent of tiredness which cannot be cured by sleep alone. Less or more, makes no difference. Ennui. I've only got one specific thing in the diary today, which is a call with an ex work colleague who I've not spoken to in a while.  Not sure how long. At the appointed hour WA kicked into life and I began a longish video call with an old friend. He has retired (who hasn't?) - in fact he's been retired for two years and seems to be enjoying life, subject to the same restrictions we are all living under.  It turns out he didn't even know my wife was ill, never mind bedbound, which means we may not have spoken for 11 or more years.  Despite the interven...

A fun-packed Monday ahead: four different activities planned for the day ahead.  I'm looking forward to it but it does mean the rest of the week (and beyond) will be quiet. First off meditation at 7:30 a.m. with Talking Therapies.  It was a good session though I do still often get caught up in 'sticky' thoughts (for the avoidance of doubt that means thoughts that stick, however briefly, and that you start to resolve). Yoga at 10:00: another good practice with a few rather difficult moves, i particular lifting and straightening one leg whilst in a squat.  I'm beginning to think the human body was not intended to do some of these things. Nevertheless I persevere. The yoga teacher can do it, so it must be possible. In theory.  This'll teach me to do a job that's mostly involved sitting on my arse for 40 years 😂🤣😂 After yoga finished it was time to get changed and make some lunch ready to head off for my next activity, a walk with some school friends over at Stan...

When I got up the sky was quite overcast, but today has turned into something much better - there was broken sun this morning but this afternoon the sky has cleared and it's been sunny for a while now. Putting aside the boring chores, I have managed to finish 'The Time Machine', read today's Observer and finish the previous issue of The Idler, which is a result. I still have 'The Hunting Party', the current issues of The Idler and Private Eye and 'Ulysses' to read though, however I can't read all day, I'd get bored. Luckily, I think that's the right word, son #3 has been keeping me busy with questions about using the washers and driers in his uni flat not to mention telling me that the company that runs the flats is planning to take their first, hefty, payment tomorrow.  I don't think son #3 had fully grasped that when there's a pending payment you either have to have the money or an overdraft to cover it, otherwise things get nasty. ...

Son #2 and I started the day with food shopping, a tedious chore made tolerable by: the company of son #2; the return of the bread stall to the market; and coffee and a bacon roll. I didn't witness any trollies piled high with bog rolls but did notice that the species of paper that I would normally buy was all gone, something I haven't noticed since the shelves returned to normal after the previous phase of stockpiling.  At times I do seriously wonder about people. After returning home I engaged in a cavalcade of capers of the tedious kind, culminating in washing on the line and lunch. After lunch I set aside time to read the papers and then progress H.G. Wells, 'The Time Machine': it's more a novella than a novel, but I do need to finish it by Monday evening in time for the Sci-Fi sub-group of book club. I probably won't continue with both Sci-Fi and main book club after this as the demands of work have increased and I have less time to read. If something I rea...

Friday again.  Working day, so that will dominate proceedings. I read on the BBC website that people are starting to panic buy again and supermarkets are placing restrictions on how many packs of toilet paper you can buy. Clearly the government's messages about the symptoms of coronavirus are not getting through. I don't know where today has gone. I was in an unarmed struggle with PowerPoint, which I'd finally persuaded to do what I wanted, not what it wanted, when I realised it was after 6 p.m.  I had promised myself I'd stop working a bit earlier today, but somehow missed that goal. I blame Microsoft. I decided to finish what I was doing. I'd like to tell you something wonderfully interesting or exciting that happened or that I had learnt today, but frankly there was nothing.  The impending bogroll shortage was as exciting as it got. I'm still walking a very shaky line between staying positive and grounded on the left hand side (the left is always better) and ...

Even the larks were asleep when I got up at 6 a.m. this morning, and, given the weather outside (cold, wet, windy), I can't blame them. Usual sequence of events leading to me being at my desk early this morning whilst the cleaner cleans around me, sort of.  In truth I left the room for the safe haven of the living room whilst she cleaned my office. It's weird when you think you've been up ages, then look at the clock to find it's only 8! It's going to be a long day. The most exciting thing I've done so far today is install the NHS Covid-19 Track & Trace app.  I'm encouraging my sons to install it too - hopefully it might provide an additional line of defence for my wife, provided enough people install and use it. I was against using the original one that was developed by Johnson's mates, but this one uses the Apple and Google APIs, so I feel my data is safer, and reading the website on data privacy, the controls seem to be reasonable, so I'm happ...

Up with the larks: 'Morning', 'Morning', 'How are you?', 'Fine thanks', 'And you?', 'I'd prefer to be back in bed sleeping, but I'm doing yoga in 30 minutes, so I guess I'm good. Thanks for asking'. I do like the larks, they're very sociable. I did the full 45 minutes of yoga, mainly pranayama, but with a fair bit of movement to wake the body as well as the brain cell. After that, shower, breakfast, work. At about eight minutes past 10 an Apache gunship helicopter (callsign 'Hunter 1') flew over the house at the lowest altitude I've ever seen one here - 975 feet - which was damn low.  En-route from Wattisham to the Sandhurst area: it's 10:14 now and it's circling there, now descending and landing at the Army Staff College) Work has dominated the rest of the day, so there's nothing to be said about that. Moving swiftly on. Son #1's girlfriend arrived early afternoon whilst I was working, no doubt...

Back to work, so not much chance to write anything today. Trying to stay in the here and now whilst my mind is trying to invent a future that'll never happen. Ho hum. I've not had time to walk today either, as son #2 and I delivered various essentials (bath mat, bin, driving licence (for Id)) etc to son #3 in his uni flat.  First cooking query from son #3: 'Is couscous supposed to be wet?' I've suggested some workarounds, but worst case you can still eat it, maybe after draining, if the subject of a deluge!  There are two ways of learning how to cook couscous: read the instructions or learn by trial and error.  I admire the trial and error approach - after all the first person to cook couscous probably had to make it up as they went along, too - however, and this not always the advice I follow when it comes to electrical items, given there are instructions, why not follow them? After that amusing interlude, I return to our own cooking and vegetable preparat...

The now normal start to Mondays:  sitting meditation practice for 45 minutes or so followed by yoga a little later. Despite doing all this stuff that is good for mind and body, I still seem to be in a constant battle. A revelation during the morning meditation session whilst my mind was trying not to be swept downstream in a torrent of thoughts: the MBCT clinician who runs the sessions said what I had observed was at the heart of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), though I'm not sure what I'm to do with this information. In some ways it all leads back to living in the here and now and not getting caught up in what you want to happen, or what you believe to be the answer to a problem. I must battle on and try and keep my horizons to the immediate future. I did a fair bit of reading outside in the fresh air, mainly of 'The Hunting Party', though I need to get stuck in to 'The Time Machine' - it is short but so is my time, especially now I'll be working a...

The house is noticeably quieter without son #3: as I was waking up this morning I thought I heard noise on the landing and initially thought 'it's only son #3' (I didn't literally think that!) and then I realised, he's not here now. In response to yesterday's restlessness and inner strife I've decided to attempt to have a chilled day - I'm still going to do the boring jobs I need to get done today, but I'm also going to try and read the papers - this weekend's as well as the backlog from the previous two weeks and also listen to music.  I hope to go for a walk later and son #2 may accompany me - we'll see. Success! Caught up on the papers and even found time to read a bit of this month's book club novel, 'The Hunting Party'.  I'm some 100 pages or so in, but it still hasn't managed to lure me in. Not sure why, but there's something about the writing or the plot that is keeping me at arm's length. I will persevere, ...

Usual lockdown Saturday bollocks which is so mundane that it's all the synonyms for dull and routine, only even more so. After such an eventful Friday, I guess it would be hard for the day to match up.  The highlight of the morning was taking son #1 to the dentist to have a filling.  This may even turn out to have been the highlight of the day, but let's not jinx it before it has had a chance to blossom in to its fully fecund voluptuousness. (Ha bloody ha) Lately I've been feeling very restless and today more so than normal, to the extent that I can't sit still or settle for long, which is a pain as I have a lot to read and a lot of music to listen to (even more now after our anniversary). I cannot find any enthusiasm or interest in any of these things.  I know this inability to concentrate or find any interest in things I normally enjoy is a warning sign and somehow I have to find a way out of it.   I now have a small. but growing, list of things son #3 needs f...

Started the day by taking son #3 food shopping ahead of moving in to his uni flat at lunchtime.  Apart from kitting him out with lots of essentials for cheap meals, I also bought him three ready meals for the first few days, on the assumption that he'd ease himself into uni living but also saying he wouldn't be able to afford to eat like that the rest of the time.  He also went armed with beer and chocolate biscuits as a good way of getting to know his flatmates. When we returned from shopping it was time for him to finish packing then see if it all fitted in to the car. After doing the bulk of the packing and realising we would have room for son #2 to come along and help, it was time to give my wife her cards and presents to celebrate our 27th anniversary.  It was especially good this year as when I reminded her of things from the day and also events leading up to the wedding, such as when she was getting fitted for her dress, she smiled and seemed really happy to recall...

Today's a day off in lieu of Monday last week, but sadly there's no lie-in. The cleaner will be ringing the door bell at 10 to 7, so I might as well be up and ready by then, which, of course, I am. There's a whole bunch of things I want to get done today: washing for son #3 ahead of going to uni tomorrow; remove a bunch of books and magazines from my bedroom to reduce the chance of me being crushed in my sleep by a mountain of books; walk for 30 minutes or so; get cards and present written and wrapped for our anniversary tomorrow; read the weekend paper backlog; change my bed; and, if there's any time left (!) read more of 'The Hunting Party' and start 'The Time Machine'.  Ambitious? I suspect so. By the time the lunch carers arrived one wash was done, another was under way and the book mountain was re-homed whilst the magazine backlog was mostly in the waste bins outside (not all of them - stuff from before 2020 - give or take articles I removed to read...

Work again today, but today's early start was to do yoga at 7 a.m., rather than to start a training course. After that, though, work has dominated the day, so there's not a lot to say, just the usual trials and tribulations of work. After making and receiving several phone calls during the day son #3 established that he'd had a meningitis injection back in 2016 and doesn't need another before heading off to uni, so a visit to the doctor (isn't there a song with that title by Dr. Feelgood?) was avoided. Limiting my thinking to the moment is holding up, so far, and seems to be helping.   A friend is popping over around 6 p.m. for a walk to the pub for a drink and a chat.  I finished work around 5:30 p.m. and am ready to go! The friend duly arrived and we walked, in a socially-distanced way, to the pub. We were standing outside drinking and chatting as a car approached down the lane leading to the ford and the occupant was waving.  As the car drew closer I thought ...

Up at 6, ready to start work at 7 a.m. - final half day of training that started two weeks ago. It will come as no surprise that work has dominated my day:  I had planned to finish an hour earlier as I started at 7, but somehow I didn't manage to. Oh well. A school friend contacted me about going for a quick, socially-distanced, drink tomorrow evening after work, so naturally I said yes. Opportunities to go out are thin on the ground at the moment, plus I'm still being cautious owing to my wife's vulnerability to coronavirus. After work I thought I'd combine posting a letter with going for a walk - managed 28 minutes brisk walking and got back a few minutes after the final carers of the day arrived. Been trying to catch up on the backlog of 'Freak Zone's from August and early September that I'd missed - it'd be a whole lot easier if the BBC made the Sounds app available on Sonos.  No doubt Sonos will make sure it's a 'new-controller-only' app...

A normal, non-working Monday, yay!  Breakfast at 7 a.m. ahead of meditation practice with the NHS from 7:30 'til about 8:25 a.m. Made myself a coffee and got on with a few items of correspondence I need to sort, then before I knew where I was it was almost 10:00 and time for yoga. After a suitable energising yoga session I got changed and went out to post a letter at the nearest post office.   Rushed back home to get on with organising stuff for son #3's imminent university adventure.  One thing that is bugging me - why does the university flat he's renting have a 3/4 size bed?  Who has bed linen for one of those? Well son #3 does now, but only because I've forked out for it. Every day we seem to discover some new item that we don't have in the stuff sons 1 and 2 took to uni. I've just had email confirmation that tomorrow's final half-day of training starts at 7 a.m. UK time, so I'm going to need to get my shit together pretty quickly tomorrow if I'm...

Not really feeling greatly invigorated by things at the moment, though I did manage to get up around 8 and start doing shit. Washing. Done. Cut the grass. Front and back. Waged war on the bamboo, though frankly it's a battle i'm never going to win. As soon as the wind dies down I am going to unleash the ultimate weapon. It might at least give me the upper hand. I've had lunch now and once I've meditated I plan to try and catch up on the papers. Life in the fast lane: swapped reading the papers with meditation!  Read a bit of the papers first - great interview with Margaret Atwood in yesterday's Guardian magazine. It's a start. Son #1 left mid-afternoon for his girlfriend's house where he'll be staying for the next week or so, to celebrate her birthday next week. I've been trying to get back into going out and walking each day.  Trying being the operative word, because until today I've pretty much done sod all.  According to the Times on Saturday ...

Usual start to Saturday - up early to go food shopping with this week's press-ganged son, #2. I dislike food shopping to the extent that the best thing about it, by far, is when it's done.  Apart from the company of one of my sons, the only real compensation is that after it's done we grab a coffee and a bacon roll or equivalent hot savoury offering (?) Pretty dull Saturday ahead (see yesterday's prediction for the weekend) to be mainly spent doing chores of one sort or another. Today the main advantage this has is that it keeps my mind off other things I don't want to dwell on.  In truth, though, it's not really possible to completely keep my mind off those things, even if my surface thoughts (not sure they are really on the surface?) are distracted, somewhere in the background those things are churning over and over, forcing their way to the surface like molten lava. I had hoped to find time to read the papers but haven't so far, and as I'm in serious ...

I thought I'd go crazy and have a lie-in today - 6:30 a.m. instead of 6. Usual stuff to do in order to get ready to start training at 8.  The trainer announced there was going to be a final 1/2 day of training on Tuesday next week, though it looks as though that's going to start at 7 a.m. UK time. I could obviously make that time, but I've queried whether we really need to start an hour earlier than we did this week and the week before. My fingers are crossed. It is Friday, which is good, in theory, though I'm not feeling very upbeat about the day, or indeed the weekend ahead. The death of our best man is weighing heavy on my mind, for a whole host of reasons. When I told my wife who'd called me, she initially smiled, until I said why she'd called.  I've no real way of knowing what she makes of the news, or even if I did the right thing in telling her.  On top of that, things really don't seem to be falling into place for me on most fronts. Futile effort...