Lockdown Diary - Tuesday 1st June 2021

Back to work, though a slightly out of the ordinary Tuesday. Walked early, as usual, after the first carer call.

Started work on my return ahead of a trip to the local hospital for an outpatient appointment to see how things are post-last summer's operation.

In a bad place today. I guess an hour with the counsellor last week was hardly going to fix things, though I did briefly feel that what she'd said had answered some issues. I can see now that was an illusion. It was ridiculous to think that one hour would change that much and, to be fair, she effectively told me that.

Son #3's out in town with his gf today, so we won't see him until much later.

Got to hospital in time for my appointment and, disappointingly, it was the usual drink until you're desperate to pee, then flow test and void test.  As has become customary flow rate is really good post-operation, but bladder doesn't empty fully, not even nearly.  Another void test, even fuller.  See consultant. He's not happy but there's not much he can suggest that hasn't been done. Want's me back for a kidney ultrasound. After that, who knows?  God knows I hate being there and doing that damn test when I always know what the outcome will be.  IRL things seem to be much better and life much improved.

Whilst at hospital I read some of 'The Reality Slap' and have started my ACT journey.

Back to work...

In touch again with the counsellor by email: I remembered what she told me about planning / visualising how I want life to be in the future but couldn't for the life of me recall what she said was the bad thing about 'problem solving'.  Now I know. The mind is a complex and powerful thing.

Worked until I stopped.  Part of me wanted to listen to music but part of me was struggling to motivate myself to do anything.  The latter part won.

Son #2 started making dinner - I helped a bit, but mostly it was his own effort - he probably preferred it that way since he had headphones in and was talking to his gf in Costa Rica.

Three of ate together and watched a HIGNFY before son #3 returned home and ate his dinner, whilst a slightly different three of us watched WILTY.

Blah, blah, (black) sleep.

Pauline Anna Strom / 'Marking Time' / 'Angel Tears in Sunlight'

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