Nine Feet Underground

Still struggled to get to sleep last night then woke at about 5 a.m. and couldn't get back to sleep, resulting in me feeling very tired today. Work dominates the day, which is mainly notable for my senior architect certification is now live on the internal website and my certificate is available for download.  Not that it's a big deal for me, or anything. A few other things happened during the day, but little justifying elaboration here. A friend did suggest some Alexa-based routines to help with the process of getting off to sleep, and so, in the spirit of 'I'll try anything once' (exclusions apply), I shall give one a go tonight and try all of them until I've found one that works. Or not. Watched TV and ate dinner alone, for the usual reason, almost finishing the 'Rolling Stone' documentary series before an overdose of Bill Clinton made me give up. To bed to read 'Julius' and then try out a sleep routine. Progress on this month's book club ...

It took me flipping ages to get to sleep last night: no drugs. I didn't sleep that well either, though hopefully that will improve once my body is fully free of the drugs. Unfortunately today is also the first day I've had where I've not taken the drugs the night before and so I guess it came as no surprise that after I showered I started to feel the return of the sick feeling and dodgy stomach, just like the last time I decreased the dose. I guess this is how it's going to be, maybe for a few days, hopefully less. Turkey, served cold, again. It's back to work, either way, so the usual things apply. Work ended early for this week's counselling session.  Another good one. I am making progress and we are hitting the things that I need to discuss and to change. My counsellor has suggested another good idea I can take away and try to apply. The future is orange? (Early days) Back to work again before breaking to make dinner with son #2 (who else? He's the only s...

I awake to the sound of heavy rain: it's dark, I'm still feeling tired and decide to lie-in until 7 a.m. - I take a calculated gamble that the first carer of the day will arrive around then; she worked at the weekend and it's a lousy day, so I reckon she'll have got up later and come here first. My hunch is correct and she arrives at 7-ish and I get up and answer the door to her.  We joke about my guess and she's says 'you know me too well!'  The yoga teacher has gone away to Morocco for three weeks, so there's no in-person class today. Instead she's recorded three videos - one for each week.  It means I can practice at my leisure and at a time that suits me, which means today's practice will be after the lunchtime carers have been.  I had to drive to post something so on my way back I checked out a filling station and, as I approached I thought, 'hey! I'm in luck, no queues, maybe people have finally filled their cars, baths and ponds wi...

Another night of disturbed sleep, though this time it was due to the smoke alarm deciding to have a fit at around 3 a.m.  Somehow managed to remove the bloody thing from the ceiling and mains connection with some assistance from son #2. I didn't get much real sleep after that, maybe a little, and decided to get up pretty much as normal for a Sunday and get on with stuff. I am very restless at the moment and finding it hard to settle.  It's alright when I'm doing housework shit, but somehow I am losing focus. No clear direction. I've stripped my bed and got the washing underway, given the sun, hopefully it will dry, though it doesn't matter if it doesn't and just would be easier if it did. I have blown air through the smoke alarms and vacuumed them, hopefully clearing whatever is causing them to go off. They are meant to last until 2023, so there shouldn't be anything with them.  If I have to replace them, then I'll have to get an electrician in as they...

'Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends...'  The first Saturday, post-university departures, and the start of a different 'routine'. For the first time in a long time, which breaks a tradition / habit / routine (?) that started when my wife an I first got together (give or take), I'm not doing a main food shop today. Instead food is being delivered later and I will go out and get some bread and stuff from the market, but that's all. This is an experiment rather than a new routine, which will be better for both me and son #2, who would normally have joined me (though he isn't here today anyway) and will probably enjoy this even more than I do! Since my trip to Birmingham last Saturday, I've been running low on fuel and, foolishly,  kept putting off filling up because, at the time, I thought I'd leave it until the next time I go out.  I really can't see the sense of driving somewhere just to get fuel. I put it off a couple of times and...

A Friday, like Thursday, which was like Wednesday, which, in turn, was like Tuesday and, unusually, not completely unlike Monday this week. Ain't got much to say, about the day, which was all work, and not enough play! It's been brought to my attention that locally people have gone crazy and are panic buying fuel, not only unnecessarily filing their cars up, but also Jerry cans of fuel.  I realise that in part the panic has been caused by the imbecile that occupies No. 10 Downing Street, along with his gang of intellectual amoeba, stoked up by media reporting. I also realise that this problem has a longer history, exacerbated by the actions of successive Conservative governments, though most notably the current one, so if you voted for them, or for Brexit, then this is what you voted for. Enjoy! Nevertheless it doesn't help that people are fucking stupid and selfish.  There are people who do jobs that really matter, like carers, NHS workers, delivery drivers (remember the...

A Thursday dominated by work, with little or nothing else to colour the day until the early evening. An afternoon of back to back video calls until I stop work for 6 p.m. to join...another video call, but this time not for work, but instead for the Idler drinks.  Tonight's guest is Tristram Hunt who is a historian and director of the Victoria and Albert Museum. He will be talking about Josiah Wedgwood tonight, which is not a subject that I find that appealing though perhaps when the talk gets going I will discover I am wrong, as almost always.   Yet again, the speaker, subject matter and conversation turn out to be more interesting than I expected and, though the pottery remains of zero interest to me, as before the talk, Josiah Wedgwood and the milieu that he operated in turn out to be fascinating.  There's a very passionate plea for more emphasis on art & design in schools, which was good to hear, but also, as things stand, unlikely to come to pass. The after t...

When I went to sleep last night I guess I was probably still buzzing from the twin hits of achieving my certification (after so bloody long in the wilderness) and the revelations of the counselling session, consequently (and I'm assuming this was the reason, because I can't find another) I woke up at around 3 a.m. and my mind was so active I did not get back to sleep.  I spent 3 hours or so in that awful state where my muscles were in a relaxed / off state, and I could feel I was teetering on the cliff edge ready to fall into slumber but my brain wouldn't let go.  Eventually I had to move and so I went through the whole cycle again (and again), never quite managing to enter the kingdom of sleep.  I wasn't fully awake, in the sense that rational thought hadn't kicked in, otherwise, perhaps, I might have thought of trying meditation, although, to be fair, I've never yet managed to fall asleep during meditation, so maybe it wouldn't have worked.  It would have ...

Another morning of practicing my presentation, before doing it in anger at 12:35 p.m. - 7 minutes of presenting, 8 minutes of questions! Work takes over the day... My presentation went well, so fingers crossed! Work again until counselling at 4:30 p.m.  A very good session which has helped consolidate what I learned last week: I shall be taking heed of her words and trying some of it out. As soon as I come off the call the carers are here and it's the final visit of the day.  We have a chat and one of them brings up the gig I was supposed to be going to, which caused much mirth and laughter again. After they leave I get back on with work and discover there's an email headed 'Congratulations on Level 2 Certification'!  I've done it!  It shouldn't mean as much to me as it does, but for a whole host of reasons, some not to do with work, it means a lot.   I am so excited I shout with joy, which makes Ronan's gf wonder what on earth is going on. I decide to cele...

Unfortunately no yoga today as I'll be moving son #3 into his new uni accommodation slap bang on top of when I'd be stretching. By 10:00 the car was packed and we're ready to go... ...back from son #3's new home for most of the next year. Let's hope this year he actually gets to spend most of the time there, unlike the 2020-21 academic year.  Although the journey was much easier and shorter, moving in was a lot harder work: none of the new student's razzmatazz (as that would have been reserved for the weekend) and no students to help us move him in.  His flat is on the second floor and there are no lifts, so I got plenty of aerobic exercise after all! Our home seems a lot quieter already, just me and son #2 (and my wife, of course, though apart from a lot of coughing, she doesn't really make her presence known much, at least not directly) and he's working.   Straight after work, my son embarks on his first driving lesson - a 2 hour lesson to start with, ...

I had intended today to be entirely devoted to the art of chilling, but in the event son #3's packing for his return to university tomorrow combined with a need to learn a presentation for work by Tuesday put paid to that, mostly. I did manage to find the time to read the papers from yesterday and today. The Guardian contained some ominous news in the form of a plan to combine the three supplements into a single one, imaginatively called 'Saturday'.  The paper hails it as something wonderful, but quite clearly it's all about cost saving, and the loss of the separate 'Review' supplement dedicated to book reviews etc is bound to be a negative thing. I very much doubt the new 'Saturday' supplement will devote as much space / content to books, but I guess we'll have to wait until next Saturday to find out. Consequently, I'll probably not have a huge amount more to say, unless something comes up. Originally I planned to listen to music in the evening ...

A very busy Saturday gets off to a good start with a shopping trip to buy supplies for my university bound sons.  In theory we should be off to Birmingham University with son #1 around lunch time, giving me time to get back, eat some microwaved food and then head off out to meet a friend at a Jethro Tull gig (more on that later). Before we set off I've got to get two wash loads done, so I get on with that, against a backdrop of increasing chaos, as the 'packing' is underway. I put 'packing' in quotes, because in my mind means putting your things in whatever container is appropriate before shoving them in the car. It does not, to me at least, mean looking for things that you have on your list but have assumed that either a) there used to be one of those items, so there still must be or, b) someone else will know where said item is. Eventually all four of us were enlisted into the process (not the plan!) and with a couple of items taken from son #3 (and ordering repla...

No surprise, but I'm still feeling like I'm onboard the vomit comet, though it's all about feeling shit, without actually having the release of chucking it all up, 'cos there ain't nothing to chuck up.  Still managing to work through this, though occasionally I think I'm not really up to it. Sadly, however, I have a big presentation next week and I've really got to get it off pat. Oi! Pat! Some amusement is generated by the mid-afternoon carers visit - in describing how busy I'll be tomorrow I mention that after getting back from Birmingham I'm going to a gig.  One of my wife's Thai carers thought this very amusing as 'gig' (written anglicised as 'kik') is slang for what she described as 'temporary girlfriend', but which, on investigation, means the equivalent of a friend with benefits, or side chick.  Clearly I've been getting it all wrong! Unexpectedly I have to take son #1 to the station as there are no taxis to be ...

Thursday starts off the same, but with a slight difference.  I now have a probable cause for the nauseous feeling and associated abdominal pain I've been experiencing since Tuesday. One of the carers, on the first call of the day, said what about the change to your medication, have you looked at the side effects? I said I hadn't as the thought hadn't crossed my mind, and, after my first walk, I took a look at the leaflet in the packet. Lo! and Behold!  It says that one of the side effects of coming off Mirtazapine is sickness and this all started the morning after I took my first 15mg tablet after being on 30mg for three and a half years. It also explains why the symptoms slowly ameliorate after I take the 15mg tablet in the evening. Essentially what I am experiencing is a mild form of 'cold turkey' (without the pleasure of having enjoyed hot turkey first), which hopefully will subside during the two weeks I'm on 15mg.  Fingers crossed that when I drop down to z...

Same start to Wednesday, I feel sick again with no apparent explanation. It's not as strong a feeling as yesterday, but it's still there. When I wake I'm OK, then gradually after I've showered, the feeling rises in me.  I can't actually be ill with a stomach bug, otherwise I'd have vomited (apologies!) or something by now. Strange. It was a little easier to work today as I feel slightly less rough but the queasy feeling is still there, nagging away in the background. Which reminds me...work again today so most likely not a lot to say... Work over, I burned the compilation CD, made the cover for the case and finished the accompanying words and letter.  Just one run through of the CD to check it's burned OK - the new burner is producing really good quality CDs, though I've not tried to create a DVD or Blu-ray disc yet. CD played, time for dinner, which tonight is made by son #2 and three of us settle down to eat and watch episode 2 of 'Vigil' - thr...

A lousy start to Tuesday: for some reason I feel sick, have a dodgy belly and have a headache, the sort of headache that's usually a pre-cursor to an involuntary re-discovery of yesterday's food. Nevertheless I'm trying to work: drinking loads of water and taking paracetamol for the brain cell.  Naturally work and feeling like shit means I'll not have much to say here. Late afternoon I started feeling a bit better, having only eaten dry bread for lunch, setting me up well in time for this week's counselling session. Today's counselling was both draining (I usually struggle to return to work afterwards) and productive. It feels like we got close to the root of something that needs to change, something that, if I can make the changes, will benefit us all, but especially me and, indirectly, my wife.  Apparently we only have five more sessions left, which means today was the seventh: oddly, I thought we'd only had three! Despite feeling a bit crap most of the da...

A busy Monday ahead: apart from the usual yoga session (in person again), I also have two consecutive dental appointments (check-up and hygienist) and hopefully in between I'll find time for a trip to the flying club.  In addition, assuming all goes well, I should be able to pick up my new meds from the pharmacy late afternoon, after the dentist visit. Back from yoga: changed and ready for the next thing before the carers arrive for their lunchtime call. After their visit is over I head off for my first brisk walk of the day, and it does look like time is going to catch up with me today, and I don't think a trip to the flying club is on the cards. Somehow it's already time to head for the dentist and while I'm getting in the car, Boots texts to say my meds are ready for collection so I'll pick them up on the way home from the dentist.  I managed to read a few pages from 'Julius' whilst I was waiting at the dentist. Result! Home again: teeth sorted until Marc...

Yesterday I'd thought I'd spend all of today relaxing, however that was an optimistic notion. It's a dry day and the grass needs cutting, front and back, so I'm going to have to do that first.  In the end, cutting the grass expanded into additional garden jobs that needed doing, as it inevitably does. Before I could even cut the grass, though, I discovered I had to replace the blade on the mower: last time I cut the grass the blade hit something (can't remember what) when I tried to cut too close to the edge of the grass. I had already bought a replacement blade, just never got around to replacing it. Amongst these activities I found time to read the Sunday papers and go for a couple of walks, so where there was some chilling, just not as much as I'd planned. I've also been trying to chivvy sons 1 and 3 along given they're both going to university next weekend and, without a shadow of a doubt, there will be something they'll have forgotten but will n...

A quieter Saturday compared to last weekend: my objectives are to get all the chores done (especially washing) and then chill.  I have last weekend's papers to read on top of those from today and you may be wondering why would I read last weekend's papers? Simple: I mainly read the arts sections (books, films, music, TV, plus a few other areas as the fancy or interest takes me) and therefore the fact that it's a week old makes not a jot of difference. You'll also be really interested to hear that I've decided to do the white wash as well today, so that tomorrow can be as dedicated to relaxation as it possibly can be. Give or take a few tasks I may still have to undertake, like cutting the grass. An email arrives with tickets for next Saturday's gig, Jethro Tull, which is a surprise as I didn't remember I'd bought two!  The gig was already a challenge as I have to move son #1 into Birmingham Uni that day, so it may be a mad dash across the country to get ...

Friday again: weeks go really fast when you only work four days! Usual story: not going to have much to say due to work being the dominant feature of my day. Been discussing the idea that I should eat much earlier in the evening with the carers and, lo and behold, it's twenty-past eight and no one has started dinner, so I have to. Someone else was meant to, but got engrossed in something whilst I was busy engrossed in something myself. I got a bit annoyed about the late start and have vowed that we should move to eating by 7:30 p.m., at the latest.  This did provoke some horror, but after next weekend, when there will only be son #2 and I (plus my wife, obviously, but as she doesn't eat orally, I'm excluding her from this count), I want to start making changes. Eventually, after nine o'clock, three of us sit down to eat together (son #1 is with his gf tonight), and watch the first episode of series 6 of 'Inside No.9'.  The first episode is a very playful story i...