Tales From The Crypt - Wednesday 22nd September 2021

When I went to sleep last night I guess I was probably still buzzing from the twin hits of achieving my certification (after so bloody long in the wilderness) and the revelations of the counselling session, consequently (and I'm assuming this was the reason, because I can't find another) I woke up at around 3 a.m. and my mind was so active I did not get back to sleep.  I spent 3 hours or so in that awful state where my muscles were in a relaxed / off state, and I could feel I was teetering on the cliff edge ready to fall into slumber but my brain wouldn't let go.  Eventually I had to move and so I went through the whole cycle again (and again), never quite managing to enter the kingdom of sleep.  I wasn't fully awake, in the sense that rational thought hadn't kicked in, otherwise, perhaps, I might have thought of trying meditation, although, to be fair, I've never yet managed to fall asleep during meditation, so maybe it wouldn't have worked.  It would have been worth trying, though, just to see if it could have stilled my mind.

So I'm up and awake, a 30 second blast of cold water in the shower having switched on most cells, if not the one in my brain.

My new found energy is still online and when the first carer arrives she asks me how I did and I am so excited about telling her, it's all I can do to stop myself giving her a big hug.  The way I am feeling it's probably just as well, as my desire to share my 'energy' is hard to contain.

The 'jouissance' spills over into words and a new found vitality to re-engage with a much more positive mindset becomes a message to a friend.

It's going to be a busy morning: the man from Del Monte (NRS Healthcare) is coming to service the hoist and sling and a woman from social services is coming to do my wife's annual review, which means she's going to talk to me for one to two hours.

The morning carers arrive and I have to tell them my good news. I think they may have detected that I'm quite pleased about it.  Hot on their heals is the NRS man, followed at 10:00 by the woman from social services.

There's always a degree of trepidation about the social worker's visit, but in the event she is very pleasant and we have a good conversation which also covers whether I need a carer's assessment, which we agree I don't. There are a couple of things which she's going to look into, but essentially she'll be recommending no change, which will be good.  Before she leaves she says goodbye to my wife and says some very nice things about me, which just adds to the current level of 'up'.

Work dominates the rest of the day, so there's not much I can say here...

I squeeze in a 15-minute walk before lunch and just as I'm about to kick into gear, a neighbour stops me to introduce himself and we have a quite a long chat, during which I discover his daughter is a lecturer at Birmingham University, teaching modules on the course that son #1 is attending. It was a good conversation and is another boost to an already boosted day. After our chat, I complete the walk!

Back to work for an afternoon of meetings

When the carers arrive for the last call of the day I decide to take a break, which becomes another walk after they've left, then back for a bit more work before closing down for the day.

We sit down together for dinner and watch the first episode of a series we recorded a while back called, 'Smother', which is a thriller/drama. The first episode gets off to a suitably dysfunctional start, so we're intrigued enough to continue.

After that bins, then bed as tonight I'm feeling especially tired after last nights missing sleep.

Hollie Cook / 'Turn It Around' / 'Vessel Of Love'

[[I was surprised that I'd not picked anything by Hollie Cook before, but this is the first time in these diary entries.  This is a doubly appropriate song to pick, but let's just leave it at that]]

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