Lockdown Diary - Thursday 22nd April 2021

Up just after seven as the first carer's car pulled up the drive.  Let her in and chatted whilst she made up the meds and set up the PEG pump for my wife.  Mid-chat I suddenly realised that I had placed an item that had arrived from a certain online retailer in the recycling without taken the item out. I had removed the address label and shredded it, but never opened the package. A hasty visit to the rubbish and search through the cardboard found the missing item. I still feel like I'm not totally with it though the anaesthetic was almost two weeks ago.

All being well today will be the last day my wife is on antibiotics, with one more dose to go.  Whilst the first carer is with her, her cough still sounds quite bad. We can only wait and see.

Thought about going back to bed, but my trip outside in the morning air has woken me up, so on with showering and getting ready.

I'm going to try and see how driving feels and as I have a card and a letter to post this seems the perfect opportunity.

Posted the letters but after driving I feel a bit uncomfortable. I'll not be rushing to drive again too soon, I don't think.

Not long after the morning carers leave the community matron (CM) arrives to check up on my wife.  Her temperature was OK, but the oxygen sats were low, initially in the high 80s then rising to the low 90s, I think it was 91 or 92, which is still a bit low. Based on the coughing and the sats the CM decides she needs to continue another course of antibiotics. Damn. I had a little chat with her and she said that this could be the early signs of more challenging times to come and is going to refer her the palliative care doctor to see what else can be done to help.

The CM creates a handwritten prescription for more antibiotics, which we're going to need to start today.  I contact our friend who works in a local pharmacy to see if we can get the meds today, and we're in luck and the script is being made up as I drive to the shops.  By the time I get there it's almost ready.  Words cannot express how much I appreciate the help we've had from our pharmacist friend.

I return home just after the lunchtime carers arrive, which was good timing as they can make up the next bottle of antibiotics ready for the next dose.  After driving and walking (probably walking a bit faster than I should have), I seem to have a stronger feeling of discomfort in my abdomen, so this time I really won't drive again too soon.  I think it's telling me to slow down a bit.  I'm listening.

I don't know if I was restless because of discomfort or because I'm worrying about my wife and what's going on with her, or both, but I can't settle in the afternoon and it disappears without me doing a damn thing.  I have a private joke that the ups and downs of my wife's health and the worry and stress associated with it will result in me having a heart attack and dropping dead first. That would be ironic. As far as I know - and I've had a fair few ECGs over the past 18 months - my heart is fine, so this is just my dark humour.

After the final carer call of the day, my mood dips further and all I can do is lie down and let life wash over me. My mind insists on inventing a future and extending scenarios beyond that, none of which is of any use whatsoever. I sometimes think it would be good if you could switch off part of your mind, just to give yourself a break, but of course you can't - not without drink or drugs or both. 

Dinner is made and we watch another episode of 'The Serpent', which continues on its dark trajectory.  It's pretty good, so far, and I'm going to have to go back to the book to see how much it follows the known facts. Jenna Coleman does a pretty good job of conveying the conflict in her about what's happening and how she feels about it.  I'm trying to remember if the book tracked her down and interviewed her.  I really need to revisit it after the series is over.

Usual shenanigans leading to bed and sleep.

Supergrass / 'Late in the Day' / 'In It For The Money'

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