Lockdown Diary - Saturday 3rd April 2021

Usual start to Saturday, but unusually I will be here alone (well, my wife will obviously be here, but her presence is more physical than 'real' - 99% of the time communication is entirely one way, with no feedback) for most of the day.  Sons 1 and 2 are going walking in the Dunstable Downs with friends and son #3 is off meeting his girlfriend (I think this must now be the correct term technically) for the third day in a row.

I have to get used to this, because soon this will be my reality, and I will probably be totally alone by then if I am being realistic.  Over recent years I have come to understand that I'm not good at being alone: I don't really enjoy my own company unless I know it's a temporary thing I've chosen rather than something enforced that I cannot change.  So today is going to be something of a lost day, a day spent trying to escape from me or my brain / mind to be more precise.  There's an easy way to escape, but I have to resist that temptation, since I know where that inevitably leads and that's already far closer than is comfortable.

Today's washing is all done and hung out in the cold, grey air and now I have to find some kind of distraction as there's hours more before anyone'll return. 

Things have apparently been delivered, so that's a success of sorts.

I'm not in the right frame of mind to read or listen to music, so I try watching something suitably mindless, but it doesn't really work.  Maybe sleep, though God knows I can't sleep in the daytime unless I've gone a day or two without sleep.

The carers arrive for the final call of the day and I remember that I have 'King Rocker', the music documentary made by Stewart Lee about Robert Lloyd, the Prefects and The Nightingales, to watch. So I do.

Sons 1 and 2 return during 'King Rocker' and I continue to watch it with them, before I start making the dinner.  Over dinner we watch the documentary to the end and excellent it was.  Son #3 returns and we've kept his dinner warm, but as it's late film night is cancelled and we watch another episode of 'Narcos: Mexico' instead.

I made it to the end of the day, which counts as a result. Escape/sleep.

Amy Winehouse / 'Wake Up Alone' / 'Back to Black'

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