Lockdown Diary - Wednesday 19th May 2021

An even earlier start than yesterday, due to the cleaner coming today and all the other usual working day fun. Cleaner arrived at 6:50 and, unexpectedly, shortly after 7 the carer arrived too. Initially it was pouring with rain, but around 7:25 it cleared and as the carer had left, I decided to go for my 30 minutes walk.

Despite nothing materially changing, my head is in a slightly different space than before last night's walk and talk with a friend.  A couple of things are reset in my mind and I've strengthened my resolve to change my life.  Regardless of my wife's deteriorating condition I have to forge my own path and not be tied down by the situation. I have remind myself that there is nothing more that I can do for her, beyond what I already am doing/have done.  Changing my life and seeking a new path does not affect my wife in a negative way, though me doing nothing will negatively impact on me and my life. Somehow I've got to make this way of thinking the default way. This change of mental state is fragile, mainly because in at least one area change isn't as fast as I'd like and I can't quite come to a conclusion in one specific instance. 

After the morning's walk, I returned home to start work...

...which was interrupted mid-morning by the arrival of one of the community nurses to change my wife's catheter and empty / refill the PEG balloon.

Back to work...

Son #2 is having his upper wisdom teeth out at lunchtime so I have brief break from work while I take him to the dentist then later pick him up.

As lunch was being made, son #1's gf arrived to stay for a few nights.

I'm doing a presentation to a few people this afternoon so I spend some time going through my slides to remind myself what they say and double-check I'm on the ball.

Work continues into the evening, when I stop for a WhatsApp video call with a friend I used to work with, but have not seen for at least 6 years! It was naturally a long conversation, I guess at least an hour, which ranged far and wide. He and his wife know all of us and we used to regularly attend their 4th July barbecue.  Another decision was made: I'm going to go and visit them and stop over sometime soon, I guess after my second vaccination and once clarity emerges about the timing of the shower and bathroom work that needs doing here.

Dinner made we all sat down together to watch 'Top Boy: Summerhouse' - we are on the penultimate episode, so things are coming to a head. Guess we should see the final episode tomorrow night.

Der schwarze Hund lauert in der Nähe.

Zeit fürs Bett

Paul Weller / 'Failed' / 'Fat Pop (Volume 1)'



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