Nine Feet Underground

Another hectic start, made doubly so by the need to pick up a prescription for E (and for me) as well as some replacement contact lenses before work. I'd already walked, partially in rain, before that. Got home, carers were here and got stuck in to preparing for the two presentations I'm doing this morning. After yesterday's mid-year review I find myself with a bunch of extra things to do. First presentation is over and it went well, considering I didn't know I was doing it until yesterday evening - I got several positive comments from fellow architects in my team, which was cool. Getting myself organised to submit my application for the architect certification board - applying for recognition as a level 2 architect.  Really busy day comes to an end and my plan is to sit and listen to music, however no sooner was Bicep cued and cranked up, but the phone rings and it's my big sister.  I have a lot to tell her about and she has a fair bit to tell me - she wants to kno...

Usual Thursday, though maybe a bit more hectic: up early in time for the cleaner, finished writing a letter I'd started yesterday, carer arrived, chatted then went for my walk after she left and I'd put the remainder of the bins out. Back from my walk, my office having been cleaned while I was out, I printed the letter and readied it for posting. By luck or judgement I returned from posting the letter moments before the second set of carers arrived for the day.    I hastily made breakfast and sat down to eat it while the carers and cleaner worked their magic and I got stuck in to work, which then proceeded to dominate the day. Later in the afternoon I had my mid-year review which, though positive, has ended up generating some short-term work and also re-focussed my mind on re-gaining my Level 2 Architecture Certification as soon as possible.  It needs doing, especially now I've completed the 'Being A Lead Architect' course (which is a pre-requisite), and this was th...

Back to work!  Started the day with my walk, as has almost become a habit by now. I'll probably not have time to write much today as I'll be catching up with what's happened whilst I've been on leave, especially the email backlog, but let's see. At the back of my mind I've been thinking about a couple of things the counsellor said at yesterday's session. I'm trying to work out if she's uncovered something that has been holding me back and that I need to change. On the one hand if you do something new, like for example salsa dancing, primarily with the intention of meeting someone rather than because you like it or are interested in it, is this just asking for trouble?  If you meet someone who's really into it, but you find you don't enjoy it, then you'll either have to stick at it or accept that it's an interest you don't share, which may have negative consequences. On the other hand, if you don't try it, you won't know. I...

Today is the final day of my first period of leave this summer and, as one of the carers said, 'you should make the most of it'.  I'm quite limited by circumstance in making the most of the day though: I had NRS Healthcare here this morning replacing 3 of the cells in my wife's air mattress; I've got the Abbot nurse coming to check on the previously mentioned lesion; and thirdly today I have the first of my seven counselling sessions with Talking Therapies from 4:30 p.m.  All-in-all it's difficult to plan around these events, especially as two of the three of them are not timed - they happen when they happen, roughly. The day started in the usual way, with me walking after the first carer left. When I returned I decided to try doing press-ups and weight lifts for the first time since my now repaired hernia was diagnosed. I managed 33 press-ups and 50 bicep-curls, which is a start, though my target would ultimately be 100 of each, at least. I guess now I've s...

Every now and then you have to have a day where you catch up on a bunch of things you've been putting off for a while, waiting for the perfect moment. Today is going to have to be that day. I did start today with a walk but after that it was all about getting things done that I'm behind on. The Community Matrons arrived mid-morning to see E, do a general check up and also take a look at the lesion (I think that's the right word) on her stomach near the PEG entry site.  It's been agreed that the carers will change the dressing three times a week and apply some antiseptic spray. They've also referred her to the Abbot nurse who will probably want to come and see her. On top of that it looks as though one of cells of the air mattress has punctured again, so I've had to call out NRS healthcare.  All being well the engineer will arrive when E is hoisted into her chair tomorrow morning, though coordinating such things is always a nightmare because the carers' arriv...

A little bit of a hangover this morning, I guess it may have something to do with the alcohol I drank yesterday afternoon/evening/night? Most of the morning was lost to sleep, drinking lots of water accompanied by the odd paracetamol or four. After lunch I started to feel fully normal, with no ill effects from the dancing or the drink.  Apart from catching up on Saturday's washing, I didn't do very much.  I had hoped to read the papers but I was feeling very restless and not in the mood to settle so that didn't happen. Not sure where the time went but it's now time to make dinner with son #3, then a bit of TV then sleep.  ...and so it came to pass that the day is drawing to a close. Read this week's poem for the last time, listened to some music and drifted off to sleep. Motörhead / 'I'll Be Your Sister' / 'Overkill' [[]]

This will be a different entry for a Saturday, as I've been busy 'doing' rather than writing about it, hence not a lot of time to write. Saturday did begin as usual with shopping, accompanied by son #3, however we're rushing this in order that I can leave the house by 9:20 to go to a Thai Buddhist house blessing ceremony, which is called Tambun Baan.  I changed into the shirt from the temple robes one of the carers brought back from Thailand for me, then set off to find out what it entails. Well that was an experience! I'm back from the ceremony which was really special. I was the only English person present for the whole thing (the partner of one of the Thai women joined a bit later) and I felt honoured to be there. All the Thai women were in traditional Thai clothing, which was impressively brightly coloured. There were three monks in robes conducting the ceremony which was in several parts. After the main ceremony the monks were given lunch. Once they'd finis...

I've got a busy morning ahead of me, so after chatting with the first carer of the day I got ready to set off for my morning walk. As soon as I got back I had to make and eat breakfast promptly as I'm due at the local Baptist church at 9:15.  Why am I going to church? It's not a religious thing rather that I have volunteered to help a local charity that delivers lunches to children during the school holidays.  Don't know what I'll be doing exactly or when I'll be finished, but that's the fun of it. Phew!  It's getting on for 2 p.m. and I'm back.  That was quite a morning.  My initial task was to wrap about 130 individual cake slices.  I had a brief interruption to this around 10:00 because this was when tickets went on sale to see Nick Cave & Warren Ellis on their UK tour. I'd asked sons 1 and 2 to do the booking so I was just checking they were OK and had succeeded, which they had! Cake packing was followed by a variety of tasks culminating ...

Usual hot weather walking ritual, though slightly earlier today owing to the cleaner's 6:50 a.m. arrival time.  Lately, when I've walked alone, I've done so to the accompaniment of music, which has made walking even more enjoyable. I've not been using my Cowon player much lately, mainly due to not going anywhere for the obvious reason, but it's having a new lease of life along with the earphones, which have sounded really good, clear, crisp, but with a decent sound stage.  I had thought that walking with headphones in meant you missed out on the experience of nature, but actually I'm finding that music enhances the experience of it. I wont always listen to music when I walk, but for now I'm finding it uplifting, no matter how dark the random tunes that play. Today has been a very bitty day: I've been organising all sorts of things, but not used the time for anything specific. A chunk of the day was taken up by the late morning visit by the dietitian to w...

Walked first thing again, before it gets too hot.   Usual stuff for a Wednesday morning, until after the lunchtime carers leave.  The end of the carer visit marks time for me to get organised for my trip to White Waltham airfield: cameras, airband radio, suntan lotion, water etc.  I've not visited there for a few years so it should be an interesting trip out. Just as I was about to leave the postman came and delivered a bunch of mail including my piece of granite (with certificate) from Boleskine House, on the shores of Loch Ness.  The house is currently being restored after a couple of fires destroyed much of it.  The house is famous primarily because of two of its former residents: occultist Aleister Crowley (from 1899 to 1913) and Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page (who owned it from 1970 to 1992, though didn't live there much, by all accounts).  Probably more on this tomorrow. If you want to know more about the restoration, visit the Boleskine House...

As mentioned yesterday, my plans for today were changed by son #3 so I'll have to find a way to make the most of the rest of the day.  There is always lots to do, and, as I have so many interests it's primarily about motivation / state of mind. I went for my usual walk a fair bit later than normal, but it meant I encountered different people and new pleasant sights.  Later than normal due to meteorologically disturbed sleep. Finished listening to the latest 'Freak Zone' which featured tracks from an intriguing Alice Coltrane album as the centre-piece of the two-hour show. Wrote a letter to a friend and, by luck or judgement, found time to post it just before the lunchtime carers arrived, hopefully... No sooner had I returned from the post office, the lunchtime carers were here and E was hoisted out of bed into her chair, which was the cue for the carers to change all the bedding and provide me with another task: washing, which needed to be done there and then. Why's...

Monday and change of carer for the first call of the day: she is surprisingly early so I've not managed to get fully ready by the time she arrives. This is not helped by me not having slept that well: both hot, restless and troubled by various demons.  I've got to be reasonably  organised today as I need to eat breakfast before 8 a.m. to leave the required two hour minimum gap before yoga.  I also want to go for my brisk walk after eating breakfast, before it gets too hot and, not only that, it will be a good warm up for yoga. Back from an excellent, but hot (though not hot yoga!!!), yoga session - one of my few opportunities for human contact outside this house.  Next week's session will be outdoors, or if the weather is bad, indoors over Zoom since the hall has been booked by someone else. I spend my afternoon amongst 'The Mermaid Of Black Conch', letter writing, 'Freak Zone', and planning how to use the rest of my week.  I'd like to go up to London to...

What to say about Sunday?  The weather is absolutely marvellous: did all the usual things, except that I left walking until the evening. In the event, son #1 joined me on the walk and I used it as an opportunity to try out my new walking shoes. They are noticeably heavier than trainers and also more rugged both in terms of the sole and the uppers - probably not the ideal thing for such a hot walk (we started a little after 6:30 p.m.) and the usual walk took 3 or 4 minutes longer - dunno if that was the heat or the shoes (or the flies!)  Next time I go for a proper walk locally these shoes will be the thing.  At some unspecified point during the day - I think it was over lunch and beyond - I watched the rest of the David Bowie documentary 'The Last Five Years', which was a damn fine programme with excellent guests.  It has reminded me I really need to give his penultimate album, 'The Next Day', another listen.  Obviously 'Where Are We Now?' is one of his best son...

The first few hours of today were exactly as almost every other Saturday for the past 18 months, so I really can't bring myself to detail it here. Some of the usual mundane household crap behind me, I can try and reach out from the fog of my mind to summon up the energy/interest/enthusiasm to work out what I'm going to do with my week of leave.  I had good intentions about getting away somewhere to find some head space, peace or relief from all that besets me day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, but in fact I just thrashed about in the sea of challenges, conflicts of emotion, banal dating conversations and did fuck-all about it. The soul-sucking tiredness hasn't helped. Not waving... Now the break is upon me and I have to find something I can enjoy even if it only serves as a distraction, when what I need is to get away from it all and more besides... I am going to a Thai house-blessing (Tambun Baan) and housewarming (two separate events at the same...

This has felt like a really long week. I'm not sure if it's because I've been feeling so tired or if it's because it's the sixth and final week of my lead architect course or if it's due to something else entirely or maybe even a combination of all of the above, but Friday seems to have taken a long time to arrive.  I go for my brisk walk as soon as I can as it looks like it's going to get really warm today.  On my return I scan the cover of the oldest issue of the Idler magazine that I have (Summer 2001 - Jeez! Twenty years ago, before son #3 was born and before my wife was aware of her MS etc) and share it with some Idler friends by email. That may be the highlight of my day. The carers are here for their second visit (though it's the Thai twins for this call) and they notice that some of E's medical supplies are running low.  I decide to call the NHS order line immediately to avoid the risk of me forgetting and also to ensure they arrive before th...

According to the weather forecast today is supposed to be sunny, but as I walked my early morning walk the cloud just seemed to be getting thicker. I don't think we'll see much of the sun today. The lack of sun won't matter to me though as I'll be working all day anyway. The tiredness I spoke of yesterday is still present, so I guess there's things I still need to do.  First step tonight. Work dominates the day. I finish work promptly in order to join tonight's Idler drinks, the last one of the season until they resume in September.  Tonight's guest speaker is Michael Pollan, American writer and journalist and, most significantly for this evening, author of the books 'How To Change Your Mind: The New Science of Psychedelics' and his latest, 'This Is Your Mind On Plants: Opium-Caffeine-Mescaline'. As always an excellent session with some great anecdotes from Michael, I was especially interested in the story behind US President Nixon's orig...

Started my day with a brisk walk in the sun before settling down to work. I'm probably not going to find time to write much today owing to work. Amongst the client work I also found time to re-do my client's Fire Awareness Training and also complete my employers mandatory training on Modern Slavery, which was eye opening to say the least.  The biggest shock was that there are more people working as slaves than there were at the time when slavery was abolished by law. Around 5 p.m. I realised I was getting very tired as I was fooled into one of the company generated phishing email traps, something I've never done before. I have noticed lately that I feel tired a lot of the time, waking up tired and feeling that way for much of the day.  One thing I've realised is that I have started taking my anti-depressants later and later - I used to regularly take them around 7 p.m., but it's been slipping until 9 and later.  I'm going to try and see if taking them earlier he...

Back-to-work Tuesday again, this time with a very early start to do some reading and preparation for my part in our team presentation as part of my 6-week training course.  I'm going to try and walk later but I also make and eat breakfast earlier so that I can devote as much uninterrupted time as I can to building and learning my script. Work from the off, which continues until about 12:15 p.m. when the penultimate lesson in the course ends and I stop to take a breather.  It's going to be a busy day, so I decide now is the time to meditate. Work again The afternoon has three interludes of a slightly different nature, with the first being a call with E's dietitian to discuss her continuing weight gain (apparent) and the damage part of the PEG tube is doing to her skin near the entry site. Back to work Next interlude being hour long session titled 'Talk Yourself Up - How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome'. A really interesting session with some good ideas to try out, thou...

This is going to be an unusually short post for a non-working day, but as it's a non-stop day of activity (relatively speaking!) then it's a good thing, I guess. Various things to organise first thing before heading off to my yoga class, in real life again. Returned from yoga and now I need to change into a different 'uniform', this time for a pub lunch followed by a walk in the West Berkshire countryside. Not much time to muck about as I need to get ready and drive there as soon as possible to arrive at the pub in time. Just back from the lunch and walk in time for the final carer call of the day.  Four school friends and I had an enjoyable pub lunch followed by a walk around Aldworth and along part of the Ridgeway. Despite the forecast the entire walk was completed without a spot of rain landing on our heads. Change of 'uniform' again back into civvies in time for tonight's book club meeting to discuss 'An Artist Of The Floating World' - originally...

Seemingly just another Sunday when it started, though as it turns out one with a surprise, sort of, I guess, in store. Things didn't get off to that good a start when I discovered that my son, who shall remain nameless (!), forgot to clear up after dinner last night so that when I went into the kitchen before the second carer call I was disappointed to see it was  mess, FFS!  I decided to get up and dressed and then deal with it. Ate breakfast, did online food order, disappointment perhaps not unexpected, finished 'An Artist Of The Floating World', made lunch and watched a bit of a David Bowie documentary called something like 'The Last Five Years' while I ate my lunch alone - no-one else having surfaced yet. Read today's paper ('The Observer') then watched Richard Branson enter space: the technology was interesting and the footage as the craft entered space, but the bullshit surrounding it was a bad case of 'pass the sick bag, Alice', I'm af...

I was speaking to a friend at work who is debating reducing to a 4 day week, like me.  He is torn between taking the Friday or the Monday as his non-working day and I explained the reasoning for my choice.  There are some practical reasons why it's better not to work Mondays, but part of it is intangible, but this morning I can feel exactly why I favour Monday over Friday.  This morning, despite not working yesterday, I don't feel any different, however I know without a doubt that when Sunday evening comes around - actually scrub that - when Sunday begins, the day feels so much better because I know it's not the end of my weekend. It may be all in the mind, but boy does it it feel so much better. Putting the psychology of weekends behind me and returning to the day in hand, today looks like being a normal Saturday with few deviations from it, apart from a spell as a taxi service in order to take son #3 to his uni flat, which he'll be staying in for several days with his...

It may be Friday and I may not be working, but I have a lot to do today and it starts early with a trip to the shops to collect son #1's prescription and also to buy the meat part of tonight's dinner, assuming it's in stock (it wasn't when the shopping order came on Wednesday!) Back from the shops after a successful outing: got everything I was after and posted a birthday card to my brother-in-law. I've arranged a call with my mate in Berlin in the afternoon, but before that I must tackle the magazine mountain in my bedroom and office.  The magazines are primarily music related but also include 'Private Eye' and the odd other one.  There's a process to be gone through, which I'll not bore you with, but I also came to a couple of decisions: I'm cancelling my subscription to 'Electronic Sound'; I'm going to stop buying music magazines other than the one I subscribe to. At the end of the process I have a huge pile of magazines for recycl...