Tales From The Crypt - Monday 16th May 2022

Picked up son #2 from the dentist on my way home and we arrived back whilst the carers were still with E.  It was good to have a one-to-one chat with son #2 as there's so much to coordinate these days as well as to catch up on. We still haven't had time to fully explore his time in Costa Rica yet.

Mondays are becoming my buffer or transition day, trying to get things organised before work takes over my life again.  Nevertheless, I have found some time to catch up on reading the papers, though sadly not enough time to read them all.  Whilst doing some tasks I managed to listen to part of the weekend's 'Freak Zone', something I still always try to do. The desire to hear new music is undimmed.

Late afternoon my big sister called and we had a catch up in two halves, the intermission being the arrival of the final carer call of the day.  I had a chat with one of the carers about how E is doing, whether she understands what I'm doing and, more importantly for me at least, seeking validation that what I'm doing is not wrong. I still struggle with my situation and there remains a lot of inner turmoil. I don't want to hurt E but equally I have to have a future, something positive. If there's one thing I have learned over the past 5 to 10 years, it's that I can't be alone. I'm too sociable. I need people to talk to. I need someone close to me that I can be totally honest with. I am happy with who I've found, and I want to show E how much happier I am, but without her knowing why, or at least without explicitly saying why.  Who said life was easy?

After the carers left, I called my sister back before a change of pace and a chat with my little sister. She seemed more positive than of late, which I was pleased about, and hopefully things are on an upward trajectory for her.

Time to make dinner and then continue watching 'Undone', whilst son #2 eats his dinner, chatting to his gf.

I'm tired and it's time for bed, which shakes down as it generally does.

Chassol / 'Birds, Pt. 1' / 'Big Sun'


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